Think After the Attempt, not During

I was hanging out with a student buying groceries here is San Diego when a cute girl walked by. I looked at her, and she looked back. She had a really cool necklace so I commented on it. A minute later we were hugging and exchanging contacts.

After the interaction I said, “Well she’s a yoga instructor and she’s pretty confident in her  social skills. I’m thinking she’s about 25, 26.”

“Wow. Do you really think about all of that?”

Then I thought, well yes I do. But not while I’m in the interaction. Inside of the flirtation I don’t think at all. I try to remain as present as possible.

So what do I mean by present?

Being present is simple: Don’t think about anything except exactly what you’re doing.

Most guys when practicing pickup are either projecting into the future, or re-living the past. “I wonder what I will say? Did what I just say make sense to her? Did she like it? I wonder if she will like it if I touch her shoulder.”

Veterans of pickup have enough experience to transcend thought. We are unconsciously competent. It’s the same as driving a car. At first you worry about every acceleration, every parking job, but then after several years you can drive and chat on the phone, fix your hair in the mirror, all at the same time. You don’t need to, “think.”

I save all of my reflection and analyzation for after the pickup.

Here’s a simple trick. When you’re in the flirtatious exchange, look into her eyes, and don’t look away. Now instead of worrying about what to say next, “listen,” to the girl. Put all of your energy into listening and understanding what she says. Imagine a string going from your chest, to hers, and the moment your thoughts become pre-meditated or worried the string breaks.

Practice Yoga and meditation. This will help so that you will understand what it feels like to be present. Download a how-to meditate torrent, or take an introductory course. I don’t think Yoga or meditation will necessarily help with seduction, but it will show you what you should be feeling while in a pickup.

Nothing but joy.