Deep Rapport, Deep Connection

I’ve heard lots of talk on “deep rapport” lately so I thought I’d chime in.

You can achieve a deep connection, or rapport, within three parameters.

Most conversation is “surface” conversation. Like:

“How was your day?”

“Oh it was good.”

“What did you do?”

“I worked.”

“That’s nice.”

“Yeah. It was ok.”

Deep conversation goes below the surface, to root out a person’s values. Like:

“Where do you work?”

“I’m a yoga instructor.”

“What drew you to that job?”

“Well, as a child I was a real extrovert, and yoga helped me to center myself.”

“How do you feel when you are centered?”

The above example demonstrates how to root values out of someone, and go deeper than surface level conversation. You do this by asking deep questions.

If you’re a club and bar guy you might not want to ask people about their childhood and focus more on fun. But this is for rapport, not attraction.

I know most guys are clueless about “what to say” to a girl. That is, until you find a girl that likes you and the words just seem to flow naturally, because she likes you.

Here’s the secret to creating a deep, lasting connection with a woman. It goes far deeper than words. It’s called “Shared Experience.”

The more emotional the shared experience, the deeper the bond.

You go camping and get chased by a bear.

You get her out of the club to go for dinner and stumble into a street fight, then run around the corner to hide from police.

• You go for dinner, then bowling, then dancing, then talk till three in the morning before having sex.
• You meet at a rave on a beach in Thailand, thousands of miles from friends and family.
• You are both trapped in an atm machine after the door lock breaks. (This was an episode of Friends.)
• So the trick is to meet women whenever you can, and craft these interactions into emotional experiences.

In party game it’s your mission to get her out of the venue and on an adventure with you. Get her away from her friends and into your world. You can’t make a bear attack you, but you can facilitate adventure and fun by going for late night food, or heading to a different party.

You can also lead an interesting life that will have you meeting interesting women. Seriously, how much adventure can you have in a nightclub anyway? It’s a great place to practice approaching women but that’s about it. If neither of you are interesting then your only connection will be that you both breath oxygen and have functioning sex organs. Good news is…that’s enough to get laid!

The third step is “Relating.”

Relating sounds like, “You love reading about Joseph Stalin and the Gulags? I was totally IN the Gulags!”

She went to India and you want to go to India. She loves dancing and you took tango lessons. She likes ufos and you like Star Trek.

Having things in common can go a really, really long way for building deep rapport.

So to sum up we have three components of deep rapport:

1. Deep Questions

2. Shared Experience

3. Relating

If you have some game and understand escalation, both verbal and physical, and she’s attracted to you sexually…you should be able to connect on a deep level.

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