Blaming State is Like Blaming a Word

A major issue during my Vancouver and Montreal Pua Bootcamps are students that lose momentum and experience “state crash.” They might start out slowly by opening sets and eventually after enough witty banter and validation from receptive girls they hit state, or social god mode, or the nimbus or the zone or whatever you want to call it.

Before “state” was turned into a meme by Real Social Dynamics, men would either be happy or sad, tired or alert.  They would go out to hit on women until they were mentally or emotionally exhausted and gave up, or they’d slam a Vodka Redbull and try again. Now pua guys will talk to a few unreceptive girls and huddle in little groups to discuss how they’re “not in state tonight,” as if they have no control over their own thoughts and emotions. They also blame their state on external factors.“Yeah man, I’m just not in state. I didn’t get a good sleep.” “Yeah, me neither. I had a hard day at work.” “I was sooo in state last Friday. You should have seen it. The weather was nice.” “Yeah man, I was really in state at my birthday party.”

State isn’t a magic elixir you carry in your pocket. It’s not an X-Factor chromosome that is only unleashed by gamma rays.

Here’s a better definition of good state: Feeling Happy and Confident, in the Now. If you find yourself at a bar at 12am, skulking around feeling sorry for yourself and thinking “Oh well, I’m just not in state tonight, doot doot,” you’ve already DECIDED not to be happy. When you’re in state–you’re in the Now. So if you’re in state and you’re probably NOT THINKING “Oh my god, I’m in state! This is awesome!” Because you’re in the present moment–you aren’t thinking, you’re being and doing. Even if you have the flu, it just means you have the flu. Even if your sister was hit by a bus, it just means your sister was hit by a bus. External factors have no control over your thoughts. In “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Viktor Frankl, the author chronicles his experiences as a prisoner of war in a Nazi concentration camp. He teaches that even under the worst situations we have the ability to step back from the pain and horror of the physical world to create peace within ourselves.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Anyway, back to state and pickup artists; this meme is like an annoying little bug that I swat at but always returns to buzz in my ear. I wish Owen Cook never popularized the word, because that’s all it is, a word. If you’re not having fun it’s because you’ve decided not to have fun. So decide to have fun, and then seek it out instead of moping and pouting and resigning to give up.

So stop using the word. It doesn’t help you. It’s like saying “I’m not happy tonight.” Boo hoo. Girls aren’t being nice to you. You have a headache. You’re hungry. You’re having a bad hair day. You’re comparing yourself to tall, good looking guys. You have approach anxiety.

At least you aren’t in a Nazi concentration camp.

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