Let go of Outcome
It’s a funny phenomenon, but the better you are at attracting women–the less you care about attracting women. The less you care, the more attractive you become.
This does not mean you shouldn’t take action. If you’re single and desire female affection, “not caring” won’t land you a hot girl. You can sit around not caring and get nothing done.
When you’re a sexless noob it’s impossible to not care. Going out and hitting on women means you care. But what you are doing is practicing.
When I first started learning pickup, I never imagined I would become interested in meditation or eastern philosophy. But when I found out how to silence my mind, let go of anger, and stop the eternal chatter, my game improved dramatically.
I remember once I approached a girl that was sitting with her friends. I said, “How’s it going everyone?” She looked at me coldly and said, “Look bro, we’re not interested.” I stared back at her, emotionless. I didn’t freak out, or apologize, or cry about it. Why would I attach any emotion to a strange woman’s appraisal of my intentions? Is she psychic? Sitting beside her was my friend Andy, a guy I’d known for nine years. When he said hello to me, she apologized profusely. Andy was a local celebrity, a dj and musician. So she started backtracking quickly, even offered me a seat beside her.
Was I attracted to her? Absolutely. Would I still have approached her had I not known Andy? Yes. Would I have acted differently? No. I would still have been present, thoughtless, cool as ice. In fact, many people you cold approach will assume you know somebody from their group. Why else would you be so comfortable meeting strangers?
How do you approach women for seven nights straight, and not care about outcome?
You pretend
Start telling yourself, “I don’t care.” But be equally focused on achieving your goals.
If your goal is to develop your verbal game, rather than quitting when you run out of things to say, you stay in set. If you want to learn makeout game, rather than asking for a phone number, you lean in and try to kiss her.
“But if I don’t care, why would I try?”
Because having a purpose is not outcome dependence. Your purpose is to increase your success with women. To achieve your purpose you need to work at it.
The problem with studying pickup is you are coming from a place of scarcity. You lack something, and it shows in your eyes, in your voice, in your mannerisms, in your words. What we are practicing is how to be an actor.
Good actors don’t look like they are acting. They become their character. They don’t ask “Is what I’m portraying believable?” That would bring them out of their self-imposed trance. They must believe, like Neo in The Matrix, that they are The One. And by pretending, the action alone brings them in line with reality. Good actors aren’t pretending, they ARE their character.
The next time you go out to meet women, let go of your outcomes and enjoy the experience. It will work eventually. Trust that it will. But be fine if it doesn’t.
That prejudicious “Look we’re not interested” line is just pain to my ears. I’m putting in the effort and going out alone to improve, and then get that bullshit when I’m just trying to be friendly and social. To me it’s a clear sign that the girl is having a bad day and wants to make herself feel better by making some random guy feel miserable. Yet if you don’t even flinch your value becomes obvious…
Another fantastic post Tony. Being Outcome Independent is one of the most important things for a man to do. This prevents you from becoming too needy and desperate. Great post Tony. You’re the Man.
Thanks for commenting. Ride the rainbow to your dreams.
But what can the guy do in order to not let her shitty state transfer back onto him? (Being that state transference can be used by the guy to pick up a girl).
This dichotomy is so true that it’s not even funny.
And it’s gonna take Newbies a while to grasp this concept and reality.
Another way to say the same thing, which has specifically been super helpful to me personally, is to consider that other people’s behavior and reactions are of no importance. The result is of no importance – be deliberate about your behavior, do it anyway, observe the result, but do it without any importance.
Thinking that there is any importance to what happens afterward is what screws you up in most performances, in the same way that thinking about how important shooting a basketball is when you’re chosen to do the million dollar halftime shot screws you up, even though you make the same shot all the time when you’re by yourself.
Learning not to care and letting go of the outcome is perfect. You don’t even need to have set goals, like approaching “sets” . Or developing verbal game well..You can develop all the verbal game all you want and still be trying too hard because ur having an outcome of having Perfect game. I say, (and this actually works cause I actually get laid) Stop caring what happens with women completely, don’t care if they like you, don’t care if you get laid, don’t care about having women in your life and develop a life of your own, that doesn’t revolve around women. Fuck goals, the only outcome or goal should be to do your inner work.