An Interview with a Dating Coach

This is an interview I did for a small print magazine. It talks a bit about the seduction and dating coaching industry, coaching in Vancouver, my journey in Montreal and other stuff too.

You call yourself a “success story, no doubt.” What does that really mean? Sketch a brief overview of your pickup artist evolution (Where did you start? What happened? What has changed about your overall life philosophy?).

When I was twelve I developed Gynecomastia, or, man boobs. No…I wasn’t even close to being fat—but I had breasts. I remember having a fist fight with a neighborhood kid. He was sitting on top of me, pummeling my face. He put his hand on my chest and said, “Holy shit…you have titties!” And I did. It was devastating. I was ashamed.

So I had a very painful self esteem issue. I didn’t wear anything but baggy shirts. I took to drugs and alcohol and loud music. I was an angry, depressed kid.

My Mother divorced my Father when I was six. I lived with her and two little sisters in a remote part of a small town. I was poor in a rich kid neighborhood. All my neighbors were rich, athletic and pampered. I didn’t respect them. I came to despise anything resembling success or confidence.

When I was 21 I moved in with my Dad. I worked with him for a year, and then he killed himself with a cocaine overdose.

In 2006 in a fit of desperation I Google, “How to lose man titties,” and discovered www.gynecomastia.org. Thank god for that forum. I flew to Toronto and got the surgery. It changed everything…except my issue with girls.

After the surgery I discovered the seduction community. There was a news promo on TV for a pickup workshop. I was fascinated. I’ve always been fascinated by girls. I absolutely adore women. But I was a clueless wreck when it came to talking to them. The ones I wanted anyway.

I got on forums and read for two days straight. That was that. I did my first cold approach the next day. I saw a cute girl on a park bench, walked up to her and said, “Hi. You look like fun. My name is Tony.” And she was super cool! I got a bit scared and didn’t get her number. But that girl changed my life. It gave me confidence to keep practicing.

I didn’t get into the routines all that much. I was much too lazy to memorize all those stories. All I wanted to do was meet more girls and be myself. Unfortunately, ‘myself,’ was a needy, shy, music geek. So I needed a lot more practice.

I moved to Montreal for a year and approached over a thousand women. I was obsessed. I wanted hot girls! And eventually it started working. Actually…I got really good at it. Better than anyone I knew. Guys would ask me a pickup related question and I could give them a seminar.

Learning pickup gave me the greatest confidence. In my opinion, it’s the ultimate self help regimen. Five years after that first approach, I’m a different guy. I’m still the nice, music nerd. But now I’m the nice music nerd that has a life of sexual abundance.

I’ve been through the grinder. I’ve seen and done things most men will never experience. If you want to know what you are really made of, aside from climbing a mountain or starting a small business…try spending four years approaching strange women. You will learn a few things about yourself. That’s for sure.

Now that you understand the game, attracting /seducing women must be predictable. Describe an average night on the town… What events constitute a regular pickup? What methods work best? Which routines are your favorites?

It’s never predictable. Actually…I don’t predict at all. I try to remain present and in the moment. Pre-meditation is creepy. Honest, bold, straight, unique…that’s attractive.

I don’t really use routines other than a few jokes. I’m just…hot. I project confidence and ooze charm.

If you were to watch me at night, maybe at a party or bar, I would look like the guy everybody knows. You wouldn’t even know I was cold approaching strangers. You would see girls hugging and kissing me, guys buying me shots. You would assume we were best friends.

Here’s the thing. Once you figure out pickup…it’s really not a big deal. It’s really about being comfortable in your own skin. Comfortable, confident and bold. All of which comes only from experience. It’s not what you say…it’s who you are. What you believe to be true.

What separates a pickup artist from a guy that hits on girls, is a pickup artist practices obsessively until he’s so attractive he no longer has to try. He just becomes who he pretends to be. And girls can do this too.

Seduction has become a lucrative business. What has your “business experience” been like (and what kind of boot camps do you sell)? Where should aspiring pickup artists begin their journey? Describe an effective “beginner’s regimen,” if possible.

I do bootcamps, mentorships and phone coaching. Each program has its place. For most new guys just getting over their initial fear of approaching is a hurdle. My favourite clients are guys that are already pretty good, but are just stuck. I help them become closers.

If you are new, maybe read an ebook. There are tons. Just google, “How to pick up girls,” or any variation. Then go out and try. The key here is that you try. It doesn’t matter what you read really, but that you apply the information.

Coaching can be lucrative…but it’s not that great. My bootcamp is $900. And my mentorship is $1500. So that’s a month of coaching. I really prefer doing mentorships. I get to spend more time with the guy over a month and really understand where he is, and what’s blocking him.

The thing is there isn’t a huge demand, and there are very few great coaches. I can literally count the trusted coaches on two hands. Lots of people pop up and offer a bootcamp…and then disappear when they realize how difficult it really is.

It’s also a lot of work. On bootcamp you are pushing your comfort zone, walking and meeting women for 20 hours in two days. It’s exhausting. For many guys a pickup bootcamp is a life changing event, and can be very emotional. It’s not easy, but the payoff is great.

In order to make a living off bootcamps alone involves travel. That means airfare, food, hotel, cover, etc. Also products don’t sell like they used to. I don’t have a product yet…but I will eventually. Right now, I’m just happy to not be bussing tables. Vancouver has very beautiful women, but it’s not the best place to be a dating coach. It’s expensive. You can’t just be a good seducer, you need to be a good teacher, writer and public speaker. That’s why we can charge $150 an hour.

If you get a coach, read their reviews. Figure out what you want. Some coaches specialize in day game, some in night game, some in both. There are other niches developing like inner game, and relationship coaching. I’m one of those guys that does both day and night, mostly approach and escalation stuff. Like how to meet a girl anywhere, and then get her number or go on an instant date. Apparently I’m really good at teaching guys about inner game…the ego, the now, etc.

This stuff doesn’t happen over night. It takes a few years. If you hire a coach, he should have at least four years of experience. If you teach yourself, be prepared to fail a lot. Failing is good though. That means you are pushing yourself. If you never fail…you are playing the game too safe.