How To Reject Men – Without All The Drama

You Want to Reject Men?

Why? You basic, icy…

Just kidding. We’ve all been on the receiving end of rejection—and it sucks spicy moose nipples.

Unless you’re an emotional sadist, or the guy you’re rejecting is a needy and moronic freak who doesn’t get “no,” rejecting someone is annoying, and sad at best–dangerous at worst.

Rejection is art, and I am a connoisseur

I’ve experienced every sort of rejection. From the classic palm-face “fuck off please,” to eternal text buddies to nowhere.

I’ve been rejected from bars to malls too zoos. I’ve been rejected in person, on the phone, over text, Friendster, Myspace, YouTube, Facebook email and Yahoo instant messenger.

If morse code was a thing, I’d have been rejected there.

That’s why I’ve been able to date some really amazing women. Practice plus the numbers game. That is what I teach guys: How to take rejection lightly, and in a gentlemanly fashion.

Before you can learn how to reject men, you must learn why we are so weird.

Most Men Have Terrible Game

Most men are terrible at approaching women because they’re inexperienced, nervous, and insecure. We’re little bitches and you terrify us. 

Most have no clue what it’s like to be an attractive woman. We don’t have to reject women.  When we are approached it fries our circuits. 

We’re supposed to approach you, because that’s the rules. Men are supposed to do that. 

I remember being a teenager with a crush. I saw her every day in the hall between classes. After three days of love stalking I finally approached her. I don’t remember what I said, but I remember my heart pounding, thoughts all cloudy, face twitching, sweating palms, and being so humiliated…I made my retreat.

I was 17 then, and it took me ten more years to find out that by practicing, I could overcome my anxiety. 

So basically, lots of guys are “practicing.” You don’t owe them anything, but just understand that seduction is a skill men can improve. They can become funnier, wittier, better communicators, more socially aware, focused and confident. You are lucky to meet these guys. The drunk moron or manipulative sex addict. They are different. And weeding them out is another story.

Men Have Big, Stupid Egos

Some are needy, jealous and creepy.

Some are douchey.

Some are misogynist, or chauvinist, (or feminist.) Whatever it is, they need to be weeded out.

There are also guys who will speak your language—who get it. They are the mystical “Real Men” and you do not want to reject them.

You might not be sure what camp a guy falls in. He might be a master of the first impression. Or he might be genuinely charming, but without passion for long term relationships. He’s an adventurer, a charming rogue. 

Some guys just want to get laid. And that’s not so bad. 

How can you tell what sort of man he is? You will be relying on you Experience and intuition.

Though the media narrative raves about about the amazing, deep and intuitive powers of women, I know the truth. You are just as clueless as we are.

Every man who you give your time, your love and vagina to is a gamble.

Who to reject, and who to accept? Roll the dice baby. Roll the dice.

Men have the notion that persistence is a desired quality, and it pays off.

Even if you reject us, we might keep bugging you. If you’re sure you are not interested, in this situation being firm is usually better than polite. Just not rude. Because that might trigger a douches ego defences, and cause drama.

Most guys are terrified of coming off as harassing, sexist or creepy. That makes us act weird. That or it’s the adrenaline. 

Then there’s our pride. The little voice that say’s, “How dare she. I was so nice to her. I did xzy! I treated her like a princess. I was a gentleman. How dare she.”

You’ve experienced these archetypes:  The arrogant, the fearful, the shy and nervous, the drunk and douchey, no wonder it’s so hard for us to approach you. Your guard is bigger than Trump’s wall.

There’s a billion dollar dating advice industry for men. What you might see as tricks and manipulations we see as hope, education, inspiration and guidance. As politically incorrect as men’s pickup and dating advice sites may be, they do help. That guy who seems to get everything right, probably reads man blogs, books and seminars.  

We’re not perfect, but we’re working on it.

“Dating” As Sales

We play the numbers game because we have to.

Women have first choice in the sexual market. Because of the high rate of rejection, and mass competition, we need a lot of dating options.

Men are taught that persistence pays off (it often does,) so they will likely have rebuttals to all of your common rejection tactics.  Just understand, that’s how we operate. We’re problem solvers.

So when you reject us, we will usually have a stock reply.

“I have a boyfriend.”

Probably the best reply for all situations. Because even if he say’s “How’s that working out for you?” you still have the moral authority. You do not cheat on your boyfriend.

“I don’t give my number to strangers.”

A seasoned player will say, “Hi. I’m Johnny. Now we’re not strangers.” Or something along these lines. Stick to your script. And don’t give in to Facebook, or email either.

“I’m just not interested.”

This could go horribly wrong, as it seems like a direct criticism of our attractiveness. But in the right situation, with a healthy minded guy, he will appreciate the directness of this statement.

But there are bound to be a few idiots that will flip out at this statement. “What? I’m not good looking enough for you!? Well you’re fat, blah, blah, blah.” Yeah, it happens. This is the ego. Stay cool, and ignore. 

You can also pretend you’re late for work, foreign, deaf, mentally handicapped, and so forth.

 The Angry Club Girl

Last year, outside a bar in Toronto, I saw this young guy approach a girl, trying to pick her up. The girl busted on his approach, mocking him. She was really getting into it.

He didn’t say anything too outrageous, or offensive. It was along the lines of “Hi I think you’re hot. What’s up? Where you from?”

Maybe he was douchebag approach reject number 19 of the night. Maybe she had just read some mainstream article about male entitlement. I don’t know. But she stuffed her hand in his face, called him a “fucking douchebag” and gave him a lengthy verbal lashing about how he shouldn’t objectify women.

The guy threw up his hands in defeat and laughed it off, but she wasn’t satisfied. She wanted to teach him a lesson. She went to her friends and complained about how objectified she felt.

In order to appease the offended friend, one of her other female acquaintances walked briskly over to the guy and started swinging her little fists. “You wanna harass my friend huh?”

And what did he do? Did he run away? No. With one swift jab and a gasp from the crowed—he laid her out on the pavement, and walked away.

I’ve seen this time and time again: Women acting like angry men. Insulting, mocking, and pushing men for no reason other than they were annoyed at being approached.

Just be aware, if you can’t control your own ego and temper, don’t expect men to.

(I’m not promoting that any guy should ever hit a woman. I’m just saying if you’re a woman and you pick a physical fight with a man, don’t expect to win or be seen as a victim when you get hurt. So it’s best not go antagonize a man, or threaten violence. I give the same advice to men.)

The Forever Texter (Leading Men On)

I’ll admit…I’ve admired the train wreck of text messages that desperate men have left for my girlfriends.

This guy chatted up my girlfriend in a cafe. He texted with her for months. She always promised to meet him “next week.” He was “A nice guy.” And week after week she promised “After the holidays” or “After my finals.”

He was nice. But she just wasn’t into him like that. Though she failed to tell him so.

I met her at a party and we started dating two days later. She wasn’t that busy. And we hardly texted each other.

While she slept with me, she texted with him. She liked the attention and entertainment factor of it all. She did like him a little bit. But rejecting him then, after all those weeks, would hurt his feelings.

So after months of promising “Maybe next week,” she told him about me, and how we were dating. The next day he stormed into her workplace, called her a stream of expletives and caused a scene that almost got her fired.

You could blame him for losing his temper, or feeling entitled to her attention. Or you could blame her for leading him on. I don’t want to defend the actions of unbalanced men, but I do want to help women avoid these situations in the first place.

The more time men invest in seducing you, the more butthurt they will be when they can’t cash in on their investment. Men tend to think linearly. A to Z. When Z isn’t realized, they can get really pissed off. They want payment for their effort. Not saying that’s right. That’s just the way they are. 

This is mostly because it’s incredibly difficult for the average guy to attract an above average woman. So the sense of investment leads to a sense of entitlement.

If you’re not into the guy romantically, it is best to let him know as soon as possible, or not give out your number at all. And if you’re not sure, friend zone him straight away. You can always change your mind later.

Be Selfish

Female submissiveness though seen as cute and attractive by many men, can be a boon to girls who are actually lacking social confidence.

An inability to stand firm and state “No thank you, not interested” can be miscommunicated and received as a “Maybe later, not yet.”

There is a famous sexist term: “Be the better man.” Even if he is disrespectful–you should treat him with respect.

Be the Better Woman. 

Use the secret, the power of now, or whatever you need.

There are countless books teaching  assertiveness. Read them.

Maybe it’s feminine nature to put the needs of others first. 

You shouldn’t say, “maybe,” to a date if you know you’re not interested. You shouldn’t give your number out if you don’t plan to answer it. 

You have fear, I know. Fear of being labeled; a bitch or a flake, or a slut. 

But sometimes it’s good to be selfish. To do what you want, when you want. To let someone in, or deny them your time. But you need to be decisive. 

Men are salesman. You have to respect a good salesman. It doesn’t mean you must buy their product. Know when to show them the door.

Honesty?

I don’t believe honesty is your best course. We just have too many filters.

“You are too old/short/broke/ugly” is bound to cause hurt feelings, or at the worst a violent reaction. I prefer white lies.

If you like a guy, but you’re not sure about him, then honesty is good.

If you just hate to reject men, let him know you hate reject him, but you have to.

If you maybe want to date him, but you are seeing someone else, then telling the truth is good. You can put him in orbit.

But don’t ever feel like you have to tell the truth. Go with your gut. Just be prepared to deal with the consequence of being caught lying.

I Just Want To Dance

I am of the firm opinion that if you are an attractive woman, and you go out to clubs and bars, you should be prepared to deal with men who are attracted to you.

If you give out your number to guys, you should not lead them on for weeks or months.

Yelling at and belittling people for finding you attractive will not change human nature, or societal values.

Even if the guy is acting like a jerk, you should be better than that. You should act with class.

As objectified as you may feel with all these guys hitting on you, this is human nature. A strong and empowered woman understands the power of her sexuality on the male psyche. She does not blame men for this, but accepts the attention as part of life.

Life is hard for everyone. I know you’ve felt harassed, objectified, and belittled by stupid men. But we are all humans just trying to figure this out together.

To summarize:

• Avoid leading men on
• Be firm and confident in saying “No Thank You.”
• White lies are fine
• See people as good, even when they have poor game
• Most men don’t know what it’s like to be a woman
• Most men are extremely nervous about approaching you
• Men think linearly and are prone to tunnel vision
• Being rude or aggressive can get you hurt, shamed or harassed
• Being an attractive woman is a gift

I thought about writing this article for months. This subject alone could be an entire book rather than a blog post. There is no way to cover every situation, or variable.

It wasn’t my intent to point fingers or place judgement. My motive is to help women reject men safely and respectfully, even if some men don’t deserve it. At the very least, you should as a woman, understand that we approach you not as a harassment, or an insult, but because we desire you.

We might desire you for your smile, or your bubble butt, or your mind and charisma. But desire is not a crime and we don’t deserve to be punished for it. Be open to love, yet firm in your decisions. 

I would love to hear what you think about this article. Let’s carry on the conversation in the comments below.