I’m Shifting From a Dating Consultant to a Life Coach

Here’s an announcement. 

After over ten years as a professional dating coach for men, I’m officially changing my career path. 

Honestly, I haven’t been into the picking up girls lifestyle for at least five years. It’s something I do for work, and that’s about it.  

Not that I haven’t picked up a girl in five years. I just mean as an academic study, as a personal lifestyle hobby, the practical, technical, mechanical aspect of it just doesn’t interest me anymore, and hasn’t for some time. 

Coaching, mentoring, teaching, psychology, philosophy, helping people… this interests me deeply. It’s just the seduction topic I need to move on from. As for coaching, I’d say I’m gifted at it. I devour these topics like a fat kid devours cake.

So on that note, 2020 is the last year I’ll be offering infield coaching as a service. If you want to hire me for infield, it will be $5000 USD, and it will be a two week, live, infield mentorship. Other than that, I’ll be offering online life coaching only.

My work will focus on “inner game” issues, related to helping people achieve goals. I’ll niche this down in the future, but my lens will be be around “anxiety,” which I define as that terrible, apocalyptic feeling when you’re not realizing your potential. I’ll also aim at entrepreneurs, and particularly self-employed, location free digital nomads. 

With this new coaching method I can technically help anyone, with just about anything, as long as it’s an actionable goal. But niching makes it easier to market. 

It’s exciting, but also bit scary for me. It means I’ve had to cut loose most distraction from my life, and focus on learning a new skillset again. 

But why Tony? 

Getting laid is something that seems incredibly important, until you learn how to get laid (without paying and with attractive women), then you may realize, it’s not that important. A life of hedonism just isn’t sustainable… not for my psyche, anyway. It’s a game I like to dabble in, but not live in. 

I’m not enlightened; I haven’t seen the error of my pickup artist past. I just need a new challenge. My interests have changed. I want to go deeper, into psychology, philosophy, art, self-development. I want to help people become successful in all areas of their lives, not just with women. 

It’s facing the fear, the challenge of becoming confident with women that empowers us. This aspect is far more powerful than the reward of sex and intimacy. Defining a lofty goal, moving towards and realizing it. This is what life is all about; taking responsibility, and then taking action. Not sitting in our comfort zone. 

Safety, or Growth…? Choose

Once you learn how to achieve abundance (of new sex options) then it loses it’s lustre. You start to look at the rest of your life, for some other pain point, and realize sure you can get laid, sure, but you’re still not finishing your novel, achieving financial freedom, eating healthy, travelling, or reforging the neglected relationships with friends and family. 

It’s the lack of having an active, engaging social life that prevents you from meeting the women you desire in the first place. 

It’s always the same two subjects: 

Not knowing what to say, and approach anxiety. I’ve written a million words on my blog in the last ten years, and most of it on these two subjects, to some degree. 

If I wanted to stay employed, all I’d have to do is market dating advice to software engineers, and I’d never run out of clients. However, this would be the equivalent of intellectual toilet cleaning. 

Sex sells, and men want sex and intimacy. They want to find amazing girlfriends, or be players, travel the world and sleep with beautiful women. I don’t judge. That’s what I wanted… and I’ve done it. 

But then what? What’s next? After you’ve banged a hundred women… do you bang a hundred more? Do you become the world’s leading expert in picking up women? I’ve seen that path and it doesn’t age well. 

As a philosopher, or a psychologist, it’s easily understood, and applied, but it won’t lead to long term contentment. You may think you’re unhappy because you can’t connect with beautiful women. But once you’ve connected with hundreds of them, you realize that like the game this is also a game, and not a particularly fulfilling one, long term. 

Women will not complete you. You may be one of the lucky ones and meet your soul-mate, but even she won’t complete you. Only YOU can complete YOU. 

Pickup to me, is self-development for dummies. It’s a gateway drug to higher planes of consciousness. It’s the training wheels to a more fulfilling life, because it shows us that radical personal change is POSSIBLE. If you can change from having panic attacks just speaking to women, to a life of social confidence, and sexual abundance… why stop there? Why not unlock all the potential, untapped ability? Why not work towards true fulfillment, and start doing the things you know will bring it. 

But… you probably won’t. Just like most men will never approach 100 women, they’ll never start a business, write a book, join a gym, or do anything to move their life forward. They’ll just sleepwalk from birth, to their graves. 

Not me. And I hope, not you either. 

Growth = Empowerment

When we experience personal growth, we feel empowered. 

We have limited time and to focus time into one aspect, it must always come at the cost of neglecting another. 

Taking responsibility for ourselves, and working towards solving our own problems. Stepping towards a better tomorrow. This is what fills us up. It’s not getting laid with a beautiful woman that fulfills us… it’s knowing that we’re good enough, that we earned her attraction, that she chose us, because of who we are… not what we said. The pleasure of fleshy release is fantastic… but it’s supposed to be a reward, not an eternal lifestyle. 

You may be anxious about approaching attractive women. This causes deep pain not because you’re lonely, but because you aren’t moving towards your goal. 

Whenever there’s something in your life you know you need to do, whether that’s cleaning your room, quitting smoking, paying your taxes or going to the gym, it’s going to cause anxiety. 

All anxiety left unchecked creates misery

Anxiety causes misery. So by shining a light on the cause of our anxiety, we can better equip ourselves to overcome and eradicate misery from our lives. 

I wanted to know if my decade of dating consultant experience would transfer to life coaching. In the last few months, trying out my new techniques I’ve helped: 

• A family member over-come a resistance and apply for a job in a new career
• A woman realize much of the anxiety in her life is because she’s not been cleaning the house regularly
• A friend to start reading books again, and to stop apologizing for expressing himself (sorry). 
• A Brother to get his ass back in the gym
• A client to contact visit his neglected parents. An action which relieved guilt about not performing his duty as a son
• And many more…

Exploring these issues and helping them create actionable solutions, has been the most fun I’ve had coaching in years. I’ve found just as much, if not more rewarding than teaching pickup. 

And what issue do all of these people have in common? 

Anxiety

After all of these years working with scared men, who just don’t know what to say to women. Because then if they knew… they could meet them. But they can’t meet them… because they don’t know what to say!!! Anxiety feeding misery!

When we’re not doing the things we know we need to do, not being who we need to be, it causes anxiety. Whether that’s applying for a new job, or asking the girl out for coffee… our anxiety, our mediocrity, makes us miserable. 

Mediocrity

My expertise, is helping people relieve their anxiety by doing the things they know they need to do. Whether that’s cleaning their house, publishing their hip hop album, buying a ticket for a backpacking trip to Mexico, fixing a broken WordPress plugin… or approaching some girls at the bar. 

I do this not by giving advice, or consulting. But but by asking deep questions, and allowing the client to come up with his/her own action plan. When they take the action, it relieves the anxiety and creates a sense of empowerment. 

The byproduct is strong inner-game, self awareness, and confidence. 

Life coaching is not consulting. As a dating coach, I’m much more a consultant. I explain the proper mindsets, but also the actions, like how to approach a girl if she’s on the phone, or how to hold more intimate eye contact. But a life coach doesn’t do that. With life coaching, you simply lead the client with deep questions, and lead them to find the answers. A lot of it has to with exploring and unpacking your existing belief systems. 

Here’s an example: 

What choices have you made in your life that have lead to where you are today?  

Most of us focus so deeply on where we aren’t, we forget to look at where we’ve come from. We never have enough, we never are. And then we wonder why we’re nervous about talking to strangers. You’ve forgotten who you are, where you’ve been and where you’re going. 

I can still help with dating consulting, but I’d rather do deeper work. Like, why is it you’ve taken multiple bootcamps, yet you still aren’t going out? Why are you dating beautiful women, but you’re broke and miserable? Why aren’t you able to keep women in your life? Why do you still feel unworthy? Why can’t even go out and try one approach on your own. You say this is what you want, yet you can’t even begin? What’s the root cause of your anxiety? 

These are deeper, far more interesting problems for me to solve than explaining for the ten-thousandth time how to create more comfort on a date by sitting beside, rather than across from a girl. 

So why haven’t I tackled these problems before now? Well… I didn’t know how. Now I do. I’ll explain further in later articles.

That’s all for today. 

If you’re interested in a free coaching session, if you feel stuck, or unfulfilled in some area of your life, just shoot me an email and we’ll set up a complimentary coaching call. It doesn’t even have to be about dating. I’m still in the dating coach game, I’m just announcing I’ll be transitioning out in 2020.

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Until next time. Tony D.