The Privilege of Beauty

I was cruising Reddit and came across this interesting entry from a former hot girl turned milf.

I was a former super hot chick, and now older woman. I can tell you a few things of what it is like from the other side.

When I was 25, I too was into running and lifting weights and my body was spectacular and I had six-pack abs and a naturally large chest (36F). Everywhere I went, men of all ages stared at me. It was really annoying that most didn’t even try to hide it. The ones that were the worst were the creepy middle aged men who would hit on me, thinking that they could somehow fool me into going out with them.

No matter how grounded you are, you get a skewed perspective of the world. I truly believed that men were genuinely nice to women as a matter of course. I believed that most people were nice and accommodating and liked people. This was because most of my friends were hot as well, and guys were falling all over themselves to help us, so this is all I knew. I simply didn’t realize that some men are deeply hostile and only nice to women they want to fuck. I did not realize the weird code in society which equated beauty with importance. Such a thought never occurred to me that the world might be a different place than I had experienced.

The truth is harsh.

I can tell you that men now are neither hostile or overly helpful. In fact, I feel pretty much invisible. And that, by itself, is okay. I can tell you I am equally ignored by females as well. It could be the age, or it could be a combination of old and not attractive. Who knows, except that I am no longer hawt.

There were a lot of privileges you don’t realize as well, like making great money, getting preferential treatment, or being dealt with respectfully. It blew my mind to realize that everyone is not entitled to this as a matter of course, but it is reserved for those who are physically desirable.

Anybody who has taken a preference for older women has found themselves spoiled by them. When men stop fawning over you, it must be a shock to the ego. To find the men who used to throw down jackets over puddles now ignoring you for younger, prettier women. Suddenly the guys you ignored aren’t such bad options. The previously invisible dating options become the only options. Ouch. But this is what it feels like for MOST MEN. We take what we can get.

 I think the biggest shock to me was realizing that my entire worldview had been wrong FOR DECADES. That was the most shocking. That the shitty treatment other people whined about was indeed true, and that just because I didn’t experience it firsthand did not mean it wasn’t a reality. I would think to myself, ‘Well, if they would just project a more positive attitude, people would respond with positive attention.’ I was very naive about the depth of the beauty privilege until I experienced both sides. All those bullshit things I believed simply weren’t true. No matter how well put together I was, how well groomed, how charming and funny I tried to be, I could not overcome it.

Youth is prized.

It wasn’t losing my attractiveness that was the biggest mindfuck, being ignored or even being treated badly. It was the idea that I really didn’t understand how the world worked for so long. It was the idea that I believed you could overcome this enormous force around you everywhere you went — all day, every day — by simply being more cheerful and charming.

Mostly, I feel badly about all the people who complained about how poorly they were treated that I simply dismissed.

Amen sister. Develop charm that lasts beyond your appearance.

Your vanity will fail you.