Should I Go Out Alone?

I was in my favourite dive bar last night, relaxing over a pint…alone. I wasn’t even hitting on women—just chilling out after a long and productive day, reminiscing  a not-too-distant time when I was terrified of being in a bar or club alone. By myself! The first time I ever went out by myself was in Montreal about five years ago.

I cruised into this club, brimming with enthusiasm. I ended up on an open air patio during a gorgeous, warm night. The place was packed with groups of people deep in conversation, laughing, sharing stories, blowing off frustrations, showing off their sexy parts.

I glance to my left…girls; I look to my right, more girls. Oh boy. Scary. I’m alone. Sniff…so alone!!!!

I noticed my calm happiness was rapidly descending into that disastrous pit of anxiety and self-doubt.

Shit…I’m not talking to anyone. This is terrible. Is my value dropping? Why don’t I go talk to that group? I swear she was looking at me. I think more people are looking at me. What should I do? I should talk to someone! But I don’t want to be creepy? Oh it’s too late, I’ve blown it.

So I took out my cellphone and pretend to talk to someone. I didn’t know anyone in the city! Who would I call? That’s why I went out alone in the first place. So I stood there surrounded by perfectly friendly people, pretending to talk on my phone because I was so embarrassed to be alone and too petrified to approach.

Fast forward a few years; I’m alone, and I like it this way–Nobody to steal my thunder or mess up my game. I talk to the first women I see. I say something really simple like, “Hey how is your night?” She’s polite and we chat for a minute, then I move on. The next group I say, “Who’s birthday party is it?” I hug one of the girls and high five the guys.

The next group isn’t so nice. They talk to me but are sort of…jerks. Oh well. I move onto the next group. They are sitting at a table. I say, “Who’s the leader here! I demand council!” They laugh and one of the girls claims to be the leader. I party with them for about ten minutes. They buy me a drink and share their nachos. However I don’t find that certain spark with any of them. Often all pickup is, is a spark. It can be so subtle.

It takes me NINE approaches before I meet her. I had her at, “Does my armpit smell funny?” (When I’m in state I say some funny shit.) She goes, “Eeewwwww,” and thinks I’m hilarious. I grab her around the waist and say, “You’re pretty cool too…I think.”

“Nooo, I AM COOOOL!” She squeals.

I know her friends are around somewhere. I pre-empt that stuff. I don’t want her dragged off by her warhog guardians. “Introduce me to your friends,” I say.

Her friends are pretty cool. Turns out she is recently single and they are looking to hook her up on the rebound. Hello! I’m Tony D!

I’ve picked up a lot of girls. I admit it…I’ve been naughty.

I’ve got friends that have amazing success with women.

One thing we all have in common: We are fine on our own. We don’t need anyone to hold our hands.

Think about it. Have you ever been out with your buddies trying to pick up girls, and you get locked in with a woman? Aren’t you basically on your own? Your buddies won’t stand over you while you make out with her. They disappear.

Your wingmen are often just a home base to go pussy out in. You do a few approaches and nothing happens…so you come back to your safety nest…wah wah wah. Oh this place sucks…let’s go smoke some weed and play Call of Duty.

I knew that in order to be great at this, to be a coach, I would need to go out alone. And some of my greatest adventures happened when I was alone.

Imagine you are travelling. Have you ever been outside of your town or city? Didn’t you feel a certain freedom? You were on an adventure! It didn’t matter what you said or did because your personality was mutable. You were able to act however you wanted and nobody would judge you.

When I went out alone five years ago I believed that everybody was watching and judging me, so I pretended to talk on my phone. Then I went home alone to cry on my pillow and spank off to Internet porn.

The truth is…nobody gives a shit about you, except you. Nobody is watching and judging you. And even if they are…who cares? You’ll never see them again. Let them think up in their head.

If you approach chicks in the day time, you’ll probably never see them again either. So…who cares if you make a fool of yourself? Every time you make a fool of yourself you are one step closer to becoming the person you want to become. You are transforming your identity with every approach.

So here is a mission. Pick one day or night this week, and go for a walk…alone. Go to a bar and approach a few women. Go to the mall and approach a few women. But do it…alone. No friends, no wingmen.

You won’t have a wingman with you for the rest of your life. Are you going to stay home on a Friday night because your buddy isn’t feeling it? You will stay a virgin (or bored) forever.

And here I am, five years later, having a beer in a bar, alone. I don’t need to approach any one. I’ve got women in my life. Are people looking at me? Yeah…sure. Because I’m mysterious and hot. That’s life. And if I feel like it, I’ll march right over there and introduce myself.

You’re never alone. People are all around you. You just need to meet them.