Approach Anxiety? Crush it With The Don’t Look, Don’t Think, Just Jump Method

I was recently in The Philippines.

I went on this canyoneering adventure. We had to hike down this river, inside a deep canyon, and jump off progressively higher and higher cliffs into deep pools of aqua-blue water. The first jump was just two meters; the final jump was 12 meters, or 40 feet. 

I struggled the most at the five meter jump. I stood there looking down, 16 feet towards the water and thought “Fuck this. I can’t do it.” The guides yelled at me “Don’t look, don’t think, just jump!” All of my instincts told me this was wrong, that humans are not meant to jump off cliffs, that this would mean my death. 

Then I remembered how I overcame approach anxiety. It was exactly the same: “Don’t look, don’t think, just jump”. 

So I stopped thinking, ran at the cliff and hurled myself off of it, remembering to straighten my body just before hitting the surface. It was a brief moment of terror, adrenaline, and then relief and pride. 

“Great!” they said. “Now do it again!” 

By the time I got to the 40 foot jump, I didn’t hesitate. I just leapt. 

Approach Anxiety is the #1 issue that keeps men from dating the women of their dreams. They’re just too scared to talk to them. Something about the beauty of a stranger intimidates them. And when they finally do, because of their rattled nerves, they act like quivering fools. 

#2 is because they “Don’t know what to say”, which is tied directly to their anxiety and self-esteem, and not that they actually don’t know how to communicate. They’ve been talking to people since age two—so that’s a lie.  What they mean when they say “I don’t know what to say” is “I’m afraid what I say will cause her to reject me”. 

The Myth of Approach Anxiety

Everybody has approach anxiety—it never completely goes away. 

You may have heard this before. That even the world’s greatest seducers have approach anxiety. That it never goes away, and it’s just this horrible ordeal you’ll have to live with forever. You can make it manageable but never be rid of it. 

False. Not true.

 This is a myth created for cowards to feel better about themselves. If you won’t approach women because of your “Crippling AA” what you really are… is a coward. 

I’m afraid of many things: deep-dark caves, jumping out of airplanes, maximum security prisons, nuclear war; but I’m sure not afraid of talking to pretty girls. As soon as I discovered that women found confidence attractive, and they found nervousness unattractive, I began work on eliminating my fear response by… approaching women. 

And I was a nervous wreck around them. If I can learn this stuff, so can you. 

With enough practice, you can completely eradicate approach anxiety. You can turn off the internal chatter, the adrenaline rush, the fight or flight response, and become a relentless approach machine (if that’s what you desire). 

But you have to stop being a coward. 

I won’t lie. If you want to be with beautiful women, but you can’t find the balls to approach them… then you are a coward. There’s no other logical explanation. Your brain isn’t broken, you’re just not willing to face your fear. That’s it.

I wish that screaming “Coward! Move your god damn legs and talk to her!” worked. But most men have fragile, sensitive egos. That’s why they suck with women in the first place. 

If you want to stop being a coward, and you’re willing to man-up, then you can be amazing with women. Because if you’re mediocre, you’ll be stuck with settling for someone who is less exceptional than you deserve. 

You’re a Robot

You’ve been running a program. 

AA is just an emotional, physical and psychological response to external stimulus. That’s it. You’re an android, and you have an old, useless program installed. 

It’s programmed to talk you out of doing dangerous activities. It wants to keep you alive. So when confronted with danger it pumps your blood with adrenaline, and turns on the excuse making scripts. “You don’t have to do this. Look, she’s busy! Don’t be creepy. Try again tomorrow, after you get a haircut. You can lose ten pounds first. Go have another beer”. 

The trick is installing a new script, and turning that voice off. 

If You Want To Master Seduction, Just Leap

The last thing you want to do is think logically about what you’re doing. Jumping off high objects isn’t logical. It’s stupid and fun. Just like picking up girls. 

In the same way, I train men how to overcome their fear of approaching women. All of their base instincts tell them “This is wrong. It’s not natural. This could get me killed”. Logically they know that approaching women isn’t going to kill them, but emotions and instincts aren’t rational. You can’t logic yourself out of fear. 

To eliminate approach anxiety, you want to use the Don’t Look, Don’t Think, Just Jump technique. 

1. Don’t Look

Of course you’re going to look at her. But once you commit to moving your legs forward and talking, don’t look with intent. Look past her, perhaps at the trees, or the scenery behind her. If you do look at her, your mind will create an entire play about her personality: “Oh she’s busy. She’s on the phone. She doesn’t want to talk to you. She’s too pretty for you. Blah, blah, blah”. 

It’s the same as jumping off a cliff. If you look your brain goes “Oh that’s a long way down. You’re going to die when you hit that. Please, don’t do it. You don’t have to”. So just start towards the cliff, but don’t gaze down and talk yourself out of it. 

2. Don’t Think

Shut that stupid voice off. It’s going to tell you everything it can to keep you safe. The last thing it wants is for you to have an amazing sexual experience, to challenge your fear, to face death (or ego death). 

There are countless techniques for turning off the voices. You can meditate, study mindfulness techniques. But just like canyoneering, the best technique is to just stop being cowardly, and jump. Approach the girl, and then do it again, and again, one hundred or a thousand times until you just don’t think about it. It becomes as easy as making a sandwich. How hard do you think about slathering your bread with mayonnaise? 

3. Just Jump

When men ask me “Tony, how do I approach a girl who’s XYZ?” I say “First move your left leg, then your right leg. Then force air through your lungs, and form vowels”. 

The time for looking and thinking about learning pickup is over. At this point, you just have to shut up, and jump. You either become a man, or remain a boy. You have balls, or you’re a baby girl. Pick one. 

All the guys who are great at this stuff, they decided to “just jump”. They felt the adrenaline, the fear, the chatter, but they just said “fuck it” and jumped. That’s what you have to do. Accept sure, you could die, and that’s okay. 

The time is now—nobody is going to do this for you. You can read another ten books, you can take a bootcamp. But ultimately, you’ll need to approach women, on your own. And that means moving your legs, and saying hello. 

You Won’t Die—But it Feels Like it

We used to traverse vast barren landscapes with only sharpened sticks and fur clothing. We hunted Mammoths, and now we’re too scared to talk to pretty girls? It’s ridiculous. 

I know if feels like you’re going to die, or at least make a complete fool of yourself, but that’s the price of admission. You don’t get to join the club without paying your dues. If you aren’t willing to be punched in the head, you won’t join fight club. 

Nothing turns a woman off more than weakness, and what separates the weak from the strong more than the ability to overcome fear? 

Shame is Good

If you can’t find the courage to overcome approach anxiety, then you should be ashamed of yourself. 

What happened to that hunter, the warrior that exists in your DNA? Your ancestors built your country with their bare hands, they fought in wars, they survived earthquakes, plagues and famines… and you can’t talk to pretty girls without having a panic attack? Get a grip. 

Isn’t it time to fix this? 

Many people are skeptical about seduction as a science. They say it can’t be learned. That it only works for guys who are rich, or tall, or handsome. Then why are there so many rich, tall and handsome virgins? Go to any bar and watch the hordes of them lining the walls, drinks clutched in hand, gawking or hooting at women. And when they finally find the juice to approach them, they do it so awfully that they deserve the mockery. 

It doesn’t take much to overcome your AA and learn a little bit of female psychology. 

What do women want? 

They want you to be fun, confident, and entertaining. Not shy, nervous, and small. They want you to be shiny, to be seen, and heard. To be proud of who you are. Not apologetic, humble and invisible. 

If you want reward, you have to take risks. Nobody will hand you the keys to their mansions, the hands of their pretty daughters. The universe doesn’t care that you have approach anxiety, or don’t know what to say. 

If you want to achieve anything in this world, you’ll have to go out and earn it. Game, the ability to attract and charm beautiful women, is a skill you’ll have to earn. 

Sure you could just get rich and rely on money. Then you can date whores and gold diggers. Sure you can work out for six years until you’re a massively ripped, insecure little boy in the body of a Greek God. You’ll still be terrible with women. 

The only way to achieve great success with women, is to approach women. That’s it. And at some point you’ll just have to stop looking, stop thinking, and jump.