How to Tell When a Girl is Comfortable With You 

How do you tell when a girl’s comfortable with you? How do you tell if she’s interested? How do you know if she’s attracted to you?

In the pua world they called these IOI’s, or indicators of interest.

The untrained are generally horrible at reading a girl’s signals. A guy can spend weeks, months or years getting close to a girl and never finding the confidence to escalate sexually. 

By understanding the effects of male/female polarity in attraction, you’ll be better equipped to know when she’s interested in dating you?

When I was a young man a certain hottie from school desperately liked me; though no matter how many signs she tossed my way, I couldn’t take the hint. 

She was always asking loads of questions about myself, going out of her way to touch me, or simply exist in my periphery. I thought she was just just friendly. My self esteem was so low, I thought “How could a beautiful girl like this want me?”

I missed out 

After years of missing all her signals, she just told me: “Tony, I used to have such a crush on you.” 

Used to? 

Too bad attraction has an expiry date!  If you don’t make a move, she will eventually figure you just don’t like her, you’re too much of a nice guy, or get bored and move on to her next crush. 

I kicked myself for years over that girl. I should have known that I still had a shot. But back then I was an insecure wreck, so it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. 

Now let me share the signs that a girl is comfortable with you, so you don’t make the same mistakes I did.  

When is she comfortable with you? 

So how to tell when a girl is comfortable with you? 

She will give off subtle, and then increasingly obvious signs. 

The Boilng Tea Pot 

A girl’s attraction comes in degrees. 

Think of her like a boiling teapot: the hotter she is for you, the louder she’ll whistle. Not actually whistle… I mean metaphorically. 

Luke Warm 

If she’s only luke warm, she’ll ask simple questions like: “Where are you from?” or, “What do you do?” You know, all the boring shit you say to girls because you’re verbally challenged. 

Most girls aren’t great at talking to guys either. So they’ll start off with these probing questions. 

In my experience, if she’s not comfortable with a guy, or even mildly attracted, she won’t even bother to ask these simple starter questions. So I aways assume if she’s asking me probing questions, then she’s attracted on some level. 

Also, she won’t leave when you talk to her. If a girl isn’t interested in you she’ll spend very little time in your vicinity. She will just find an excuse to walk away. 

Getting Warmer

When a girl is comfortable with you she’ll start laughing at your dumb comments as if they’re the most hilarious jokes she’s ever heard. 

Then she’ll ask deeper, more probing questions. Now that she knows you’re a software engineer, she’ll ask “Do you like being an engineer?” Or, “What do you do for fun?” 

She may start fidgeting or playing with her hair, or tilt her head like a puppy while you’re talking and smile a lot. 

She’s definitely moving beyond “comfortable” to “attracted.” 

Steaming 

At this point she’s beyond comfortable. Now she’s getting slightly anxious for your attention. She will listen with rapt enthusiasm to all of your boring stories, and for some reason she can’t stop touching you. 

She will lay light touches on your arm, your hand, your chest, your legs. 

She’ll put even more effort into preening herself, adjusting her hair, licking her lips, or even applying makeup in front of you. 

If you haven’t taken the hint, she’ll move to boiling. 

Boiling

Now she’s way beyond comfortable, or merely attracted; she’s visibly hot and bothered. 

She’ll stare deeply into your eyes with “doe in the headlights,” look or what I call, “anime eyes”, as well as laugh at everything you say, bombarding you with questions, touching you, preening herself, and giving you her full, undivided attention. 

If all of this doesn’t work, she may just tell you, “Hey! I like you… dumbass!” 

Or she’ll tell you how cute, handsome, funny, smart, interesting, or charming you are. 

If you haven’t taken the hint by now, you’ll lose your shot. 

Attraction has an expiry date

Girls will give you green, yellow and red lights. 

As they move from comfort, to attraction, to actively trying to seduce you, they will leave signals for you to escalate to the next stage of the seduction. 

It’s your job as a man to make this happen while the light is green. 

While some women will do the work of escalating, it’s not in their benefit as it may give the impression that they’re easy, or promiscuous. This can damage their value in a man’s eyes, or hurt their reputation socially. They don’t want to be seen or spoken of as sluts. 

So in the end, it’s up to you, the man, to move her from just friends, to lovers. 

In that case, you need to learn sexual escalation, and what to do on a date. 

If your verbal game sucks, I have a free course called “Conversation Genius” in my Skool community. 

Until next time. 

Good luck. 

Tony Depp.