Pickup For Girls

Reader Mail Time. I sometimes get asked if I coach women. I don’t and haven’t. But I’m totally down to try! 

I started reading your blog for fun a little while ago, but I recently broke up with my boyfriend (I’m a girl), and I’m starting to think that a lot of the things you write about could actually be quite useful to me. I’m good looking, smart and pretty much have my life together, but I completely freeze up when it comes to talking with someone I’m attracted to (even if they’ve started the conversation). I think, quite honestly, that I need to start approaching random guys and just starting playful conversations to both meet people and get over my fear.

My question to you is how do you start? How do you build up the courage those first few times, and where to go when you’re not looking to escalate and bring anyone home, but just pique interest and make connections? Also, I’m really not a bar person, and as such, I’d really like to hear a lot more about day game.

Another thing that preoccupies me a bit, is that I feel like once I approach someone it’s not likely I’ll be rejected, Meaning that I’m scared to approach anyone who doesn’t seem awesome, but once a guy does seem interesting, I’m then too intimidated.

Thanks in advance from someone who is FRUSTRATED and willing to put in the work, I think.

Your issue sounds egoic. My first recommendation is that you read, “The Power of Now,” by Eckhart Tolle. It will teach you how to get in “The Now.” This will help you stay out of your head so you can practice approaching and get over your social anxiety.

We all have a little voice that is constantly chirping. It keeps us from living in the present moment. The ego will manifest the least desirable of emotions in us: Fear, doubt, anger, envy, jealousy, neediness.

So say you meet a hot guy, the little voice sounds like this:

“He’s so tall. He probably only likes tall girls.”

 “I don’t know what to say. I wonder what he wants me to say?”

“If I say something dumb he won’t like me. I better keep quiet.”

“He’s older than me. He wouldn’t like younger women. I better shut up.”

Or if you want to approach him:

“He might think I’m a slut.”

“What if he’s too aggressive?”

“What if I actually have to go on a date with him?”

“What if my friends see me?”

“What if I get nervous and embarrass myself?”

It can also mess up your relationships with friends and family. Remember when you mother would tell you to clean your room. You might say things like: “It’s not even dirty Mom!”

In your head you are like, “Screw you Mom! Screw you!”

But after a few hours you clean your room. Mom was right. But the little voice was filling your head with accusations, lies, and so forth.

Being present will give you confidence, charm and peace of mind.

When you are in the future, you are creating a situation that does not exist. “What if?” If you have been burned in the past, you are still in fear “Like last time I screwed up.” Be present. Be confident. Attract hotter, cooler, more stable guys.

Now as for approaching hot guys in day game, do it! You can use indirect, situational openers. Say you see a guy on the street, you can approach him and ask directions to the nearest Starbucks. Here’s the key… you don’t leave. You stay chatting for as long as possible. Maybe move onto his clothing, the weather, etc. Staying in the interaction will give you the social experience you need.

At first your only hurdle is getting past approach anxiety. So you need to practice, practice, practice. Do this where nobody knows you, like the mall, or clothing stores, etc.

Now, just because you are approaching guys doesn’t mean they guy is going to be cool. That hot guy may be incredibly insecure. Don’t even worry about getting his number at first. That should be his job. If he can’t figure out this hot girl wants to get to know him better, that’s his loss.

If you want to develop killer seductive social skills, you need to get VERY social. This means chatting people up EVERYWHERE. It will be quite an adventure. The next step is to stay in the interaction for at least two minutes. We call this “Plowing.”

It took me hundreds of hours of chatting with strangers to get good at vibing. I truly believe that women can gain a ton of confidence and becomes badass playettes with enough practice.

Watch your thoughts. If you catch your ego filling your head with nonsense, feel free to disregard those thoughts.

Practice holding eye contact. Practice teasing. Practice cold reading. Practice bold moves.

You need to ask yourself what sort of woman you want to be. Your identity is malleable.  Look at your favorite celebs and start adapting their mannerism, just to try it out.

I just wrote a post about men pretending to be douchebags to improve with women. I got a ton of flack for it with people saying I don’t know what I’m talking about and the article was rubbish. So here’s the point I was making; to be confident socially you need to try on new behaviors. You need to push your comfort zone of what society considers “Proper.” Do men like bitches? You’ll need to find out for yourself.

If I took you on bootcamp I would have you yelling at the top of your lungs in public. I would have you asking strangers weird questions. I would have you giving direct compliment openers. I would have you practicing your improvisational vibing skills.

–          Sign up for Improv classes.

–          Take toast masters for public speaking.

–          Read books if you don’t already. They will help your vocabulary and your ability to articulate your thoughts.

–          Work out and chat with men at the gym.

Now my only concern is that you use common sense and BE SAFE. Most guys will be thrilled that a hot girl is chatting them up. So you’ll need to learn how to get rid of orbiters. You know, those dudes that won’t go away.

Learning seduction is also about confidence, transformations, and choice. It gives you the choice to attract the mate you desire. Not what you are left with.

I have my own theories on how to seduce men. That’s not what this article is about. This is one article about confidence, and confidence is NOT exactly what all men desire in a mate. That’s the sad truth.

A woman with game can become a deadly gold digger. Google “Stripper Forums.” There are several of these where exotic dancers share their seductive techniques.

I’ve been asked many times If I coach women, which I think is fantastic. Even though my style isn’t the most politically correct it inspires me that women can find value in the blog. I’ll always do my best to answer all my reader mail.

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