Have Standards
Recently I had a girl that would repeatedly not answer my texts, leaving hours in between replies. We managed to have one date that went well. We walked, talked and kissed. After that date we set up another, and of course, like a typical young woman, she flaked.
I told her that I would be working all weekend and would be available on Sunday. So, sure enough on Friday evening as I’m working she texts me, “Hey, wanna go see a show?”
“I’m working.” I replied. I appreciated the invite, but really, why should I drop everything when a woman snaps her fingers?
I set up a date for the following Sunday. She said, “Sounds great!” Which to me means a date. Sunday came around and one hour before our meetup she texts “Sorry I can’t make it.” No good reason why, just a straight up diss. Another woman that lacks integrity.
I had to ask myself, would an attractive, in demand alpha male tolerate this behaviour? I don’t usually go all direct and abrupt. I usually play it cool so that I can get the lay. I liked this girl so we texted her again. I asked her out again but she said, “Sorry I’m busy.” She didn’t offer any alternate date. This basically meant that I was not a priority, at all. I decided to break my own rule and sent her an ultimatum.
“So are you going to be busy all week or should I even bother messaging you?”
“I might be working all week I’ll message you if I have time.” She said.
“Whatever.”I said. “You will just flake again. It’s so disrespectful to do that to people.”
And of course, that was the end of that. I blew it, and I was fine with blowing it. Pretty women are entitled, fickle creatures, addicted validation from social media. They post a pic of themselves on Facebook and get 37 likes, and a stream of encouraging comments. This is why “Asshole Game” works so well. It’s just, different.
If they treat you like an option rather than a priority, then you have to gauge your own interest level. Is the emotional annoyance of being held and bay and flaked on worth the price of a little validation and sex? Why? When you can go onto the street and get a few more phone numbers, why would you tolerate being treated like an option?
These flaky girls are the ones that will cheat on you. They are the ones that will fuck you over. The clients that haggle are usually the worst students that demand the greatest attention. The loudest, most obnoxious friends are usually the most insecure.
You need to set standards for yourself–to draw a line in the sand. Is it worth the emotional turmoil? Is it worth the money? What sorts of people do you want in your life? People that will take advantage of you, or people that will raise themselves to meet your standards? What is the price of your product?
Today I will post this article, hopefully attracting clients that are willing to pay my price for my excellent product, then I will go for a run, then I will study French, then I will go out and meet new women. I don’t have time for bullshit in my life, and neither should any of you. Be willing to walk away and let them chase. That’s the way it should be.
“Pretty women are entitled, fickle creatures, addicted validation from social media. They post a pic of themselves on Facebook and get 37 likes, and a stream of encouraging comments.” – This is great insight.
I love your articles Tony, but I aways find that the real gems are hidden in the text while the highlighted parts are not so relevant.
Maybe it is just me, but you seem to change the font size just to breake the text wall.
I do highlight things to break the text wall. I didn’t realize it was bad. Maybe I’m not that great at seeing my own insights.
I agree with not putting up with flaky people but it’s stretching it to attack their entire character based on one snub this early on. After the first date, everything is still up in the air and people’s feelings change. So she backed away and wasn’t polite about it. Who knows what happened? Maybe she had a shitty week. Maybe she found someone else. 101 possible reasons. You’re exploring your options too at this point aren’t you? Except you’re the one calling someone who you met once a future cheater because they cancelled on you. You just sound bitter.
I am bitter.
Sometimes I do things I’m not proud of, but rather than hiding it I post it on the blog. I don’t claim to be a guru. I do teach success with women, but part of that is failure. I’m learning. Sometimes I take extreme measures just to learn what would happen.
I’m thinking maybe sometimes they flake because they think that a straightforward “no” will hurt a guy too much. Maybe they don’t want to be rude, rather nice about how to reject a guy. I’m trying to give them chances. What do you think Tony?
Oh yes. This is very true.
In an update to this thread I met a much prettier, smarter and more attractive girl one week later.
That’s great.
I’d like to offer my perspective as a relatively pretty, young woman. I would be majorly put off had you texted me: “So are you going to be busy all week or should I even bother messaging you?” It comes off aggressive and deluded about entitlement. At the same time, I would be glad that you were so quick to show those angry colours – warning me that a relationship with you might mean stepping on eggshells rather than walks on the beach. You shouldn’t lay shame on a woman (or anyone, for that matter) because she chooses not to respond to you within the hour or makes alternative plans for a Sunday.
My opinion: your standards are strange. Matching her easy-going approach would have been much more appropriate.
Maybe we was aggressive a bit, but I don’t see the point of justifying the lack of courtesy. How would you feel if somebody would do to you things like she did to him?
Thanks for your comments Kayla.
I agree that I over reacted a little, but I wasn’t quick to anger. I’d been trying to get with this girl for two weeks and this was just my frustration bubbling up.
Here’s the thing, men don’t want to match a girls easy going approach, we want women to match ours. Maybe that’s not politically correct, but it’s true. My true colours are that my time is valuable and if I offer it to you, be grateful. I am fun, funny, handsome, good in bed and a cool guy. So don’t flake on me or I’ll move on, which I did. Maybe that’s arrogant. Oh well.
Kayla wrote: “You shouldn’t lay shame on a woman (or anyone, for that matter) because she chooses not to respond to you within the hour or makes alternative plans for a Sunday.”
There’s no shame in replying late (or not at all) or being non-committal, but that’s not what the issue is. If the woman agreed to the plans for a Sunday (became committal) & then doesn’t live up to her word, then it IS shameful. It does show a lack of integrity and lack of respect for another person’s opportunity cost (with more notice he could’ve made other plans). I probably agree w/ you that the tactic of calling her out on it directly wouldn’t be very effective, but that’s not to say that it’s not correct. She deserves the shame of her shameful behavior. Tony knew it wouldn’t be effective but he wanted to make a point. The principle was more important to him then continuing to try to hook up with her.
Kayla, in Tony’s defense the girl’s approach wasn’t ‘easy-going’ at all after his rejection of her friday night offer, it was ‘non-going.’
if you’ll indulge my speculation it sounds like she might be the type of person that couldn’t handle a guy saying ‘not right now’ to her and doesn’t even tolerate romances where she can’t enjoy having upper hand in that way. I feel like there’s a whole suite of girls like that out there and all of them have been one and done dates for me.
I find it interesting how Kayla takes the leap to frame your response as ‘angry colors.” This just smacks of the typical confabulations women engage in to make their psyches feel good about negative outcomes. It’s fair to say the reply was bitter, but that is not the same as angry. Deluded about entitlement? Only so if the previous events a) date and kissing and more importantly b) her breaking a commitment had not occurred.
Tony, how come you didn’t play the ‘you’re losing me/you got ground to make up/you’re buying drinks next time line’ ? that way you get to tell them off from a position of strength at least.
The thing is, this was the second time she flaked. She was from Toronto, I was from Vancouver and we were both leaving at the end of the month. Time was limited. I don’t normally put forth ultimatums but It was my last week in the city and she was being flaky. Ultimately, the attraction wasn’t strong enough on her end. That’s all.
This is why you date women over 30.
Exactly!