Gynophobia

Isn’t life horrific? From the day you are born it’s a struggle. Thank Zeus our society has constructed a giant safety egg to protect us from the terror of being human. We have well paying jobs, easy access to food, shelter, health care, entertainment and education. Phew.

But even with all this safety and comfort we have depression, crime, poverty and suicide. All of which are internal egoic creations. We’re still warrior creatures, designed for hunting, warring, and building. Not passive cows.

Crap. Well at least we have Xbox and Netflix. Pass the quadruple ply toilet paper please.

There’s no growth in safety. We evolved from Caveman to Renaissance man, through nomadic to sedentary, through horrific world wars only to become….Western Culture. What happened? We’re so confused and now Earth is paying the price.

Here you are, a modern man and (boy), do you have worries…

As a culture we worry about gun control, std’s, job security, grades, what flavor of latte to guzzle on our way to the prisons we call jobs. It’s so damn scary out there. Terrifying.

But still, as men, our overwhelming number one concern in life is:

Women…and what they…think of us…

While shopping for a new hat I met a beautiful lady. She was strolling along languidly, her butt hypnotizing all the men behind her drinking their beers in the summer wind. I approached her, tapped her shoulder and said, “Hi. Are you a tourist?” She wasn’t. Just new in town, and somewhat bored.

Over drinks at a lounge she informs me she isn’t into Monogamy, and I’m totally cool with that. At least, I think I am. When a woman is more confident in her value than you are, the best thing to do is shut up and learn. Just because you are studying seduction doesn’t mean a thing to her. To her, you are a man amongst many. How hot is that?

Women are the ultimate seduction gurus. By dating one woman, any woman, it’s like owning a talking mirror that reflects your soul. Sometimes it lies; often it will protect and nurture, and possibly destroy your illusion of self. This is where real fear lies…in the deep dark of the annoyed woman.

She will point out your flaws and inconsistencies

She will challenge your ego

She will tear you down and reconstruct your personality

She will judge your values

She’ll drop you like handful of burning moose poop at the first sign of neediness

As guys, we’re brainwashed to be these cold hard, masculine entities, guarded by layers of bullshit reinforcing our contrived identities. Reading lots of pickup theory can actually make this worse.

Being masculine is critical for attracting women. But by focusing on masculine behavior we lose touch with the feminine. The part of us that listens, feels, shares, dances, expresses emotion, focuses and adapts to social cues. Don’t be afraid of the feminine inside you.

Some guys have sensitivity imbalances. They react too harshly to criticism or judgment. Their self esteem is easily crushed simply because it’s heavily guarded. The ego is a terrible gatekeeper. It tells you everything you shouldn’t give a shit about. If this is you, work on being present–practice meditation. Learning to be present is easily the top factor for my own success in dating. That and cheap beer.

Every time I teach a pickup bootcamp, run a self help seminar, or approach a girl…I’m afraid. And sometimes I fail, sometimes I succeed but I always learn and grow. And then after a long, testing day I’ll look at all of the food in my fridge, my lcd tv, my guitar and artwork and designer soap and lay still to think about life.

Things like:

Travel

Parties

Performance

Socializing

Sex

Exercise

Business

Adventure

Joy comes from pursuing purpose, and realizing your vision. Embracing failure, fear and rejection, and doing it anyway. Doing something other than consuming the productivity of others. Developing real self esteem. Growing your mind and body–loving your family and friends. Trying the human experience and risking everything.

But for those that just want a woman, here’s some practical how to get girls advice:

Get off the Internet. Go out. Live Life. Meet your next teacher. Her name may be Rachael or Summer or Crystal. She’s going to make you confront yourself on many levels. And that is truly scary.  The scariest stuff is not out there:

It’s up in your head.