Weird and Funny Openers

A lot of guys ask me what specific openers and routines I use to, “create,” attraction. I really don’t care for that mindset. I don’t create attraction…I AM ATTRACTIVE. If she doesn’t like me, she can piss off.

Anyway, here are some of the weirder things I say and do for kicks. Do they create attraction? I have no idea. But they sure make me laugh.

The Top Gun:

I was getting pissed at a student because he kept asking me, “What opener should I use?”

“What opener?” I said. “How about this?”

I spot an Asian chick leaned up on the wall texting (when aren’t they staring at their phones?) and I yell, “Hey!” and flail my arms. She looks up briefly, then back at her phone.

This annoys me. So I start singing,

“Did you ever knooow that you’re my heeeero!?” Long pause as I move a few steps closer. “You’re everything I wish I coooouuuuld BE!” She looks at me, doesn’t smile, and goes back to texting. I move to within three feet. “I could fly hhiiiiiggher than an Eaaagle!” Finally she smiles and puts her phone down, so I finish sweetly, “You are the wind, beneath my wings….”

I wipe a tear from my cheek and say, “Hi…I’m Tony.” She finally smiles. She’s not running away…this is good. A good opener.

The funny thing is, this girl could barely speak English and didn’t even appear slightly impressed by my “Top Gun,” approach (Watch the movie). But we had a perfectly fine conversation. I tease her a bunch and build some rapport and get a number. The girl is still texting me. Go figure, who knew? The universe is random.

You see. This is how my mind works. My inner dialogue pretty much sounds like this…

“I’m Tony, I’m awesome, I’m great, I’m awesome, I get women, I’m rad, bitches love me, I’m dope, can’t touch this, I’m the best, I love women, I’m fantastic, I’m the man…”

So therefore, whatever I say is gold. If she doesn’t like my opener, it doesn’t mean I have bad game. It means she has no sense of humor.

The Ass First:

You see the girl you want, turn around and approach with your ass out. You approach Ass First. You need to have low posture, so that your hands are almost touching the ground. Why is this such an effective opener? I have no idea. I think it says, “Hey, I’m sort of nuts. I don’t care. I reaaaallly don’t care.” It’s just hilarious and amuses me, therefore, it’s funny and awesome–because I’m awesome (delusions of grandeur are attractive).

Dirty Dancing:

You spot the girl, then once again, get real low to the ground and dance towards her making stupid disco dance moves like a crazed dwarf. You should resemble a monkey that just ingested a crack rock. I actually have never picked up a girl with this approach, but hey, it just requires more research. I can make it happen.

The Mortal Combat:

Few women can resist a yelling, commanding alpha male. Look at that Scorpion character in Mortal Combat; he throws out that chain thing and grabs his target, and yells, “Come here!” And then yanks the enemy in and rips their face off. Usually the women are just curious about this loud dude that is yelling and pointing and demanding. They think, “Maybe I know that guy?” This is how I got my last LTR. Bonus points if you actually mime the chain pulling motion like in the video game.

The Long Lost Friend:

This opener only works when you have the right facial expression. “Like! Oh my god! It’s beeeen soooooooo long! Remember that time on the playground. You said, “Tony, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours!” If she is cool she’ll play along. I like cool girls.

Transition into more weirdness…

The Vietnam Vet:

You can mix your openers with roleplaying like the above example. I like my, “Vietnam,” routine (yes I use routines—but they’re basically jokes I use over and over). It goes like this, “Oh my god! It’s you! Remember that time (grab her around the shoulders and point randomly into the distance) we were in the shit? Charlie had us pinned and the jungle was burning all around us—and all you wanted to do was make out!” If she plays along, she’s cool. If she gives you a weird look or tells you to go away, she’s a lesbian.

“Pull my finger,” is a funny come back for just about everything. So is, “You’re not my Dad.” Those are both comebacks to pretty much anything that anybody says. Very potent stuff.

Now look here, this is just stuff that I do to amuse myself. I’m not running around shoving my ass at chicks and getting them to pull my finger and pretending to be from Vietnam all the time. I usually only do this on Wednesdays.

Kidding.

Why do these sorts of routines work? Because they are different. They are not boring. They are funny and weird. They say, “I don’t take life too seriously at the moment.”

However, If a new guy tries this stuff he will probably just make an ass of himself. Why? Because he CARES. You see…I do this stuff so much I DON’T CARE. A guy that doesn’t care what others think about him emanates alpha male qualities. This guy must have women in his life. Why isn’t he trying to be really, really nice and impress me. Why isn’t he playing it safe and talking about his job and his car and his band? Why is he asking me to pull his finger?

I don’t advocate being a circus clown, acting retarded all the time. But you should take small excursions into the land of the absurd and try things you wouldn’t normally try. Be a bit silly and childish every so often. The results will teach you more than any blog, ebook or seminar.

If you hook a girl and she is interested, turn off the goofy behaviour and be normal guy. You aren’t a clown. We call this, “Calibration.”

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Good luck out there.