Oneitis, or “The Special Snowflake of Love.”
But..Sarah, You complete me!
The One ♥
You may have heard of a term called “Oneitis.”
Oneitis is defined as an “Unreciprocated, unhealthy romantic obsession with one person, where the said person is idealized as being “different,” or “special.”
It is considered a disease of the mind.
It is often confused with love.
It causes the afflicted to try not to “mess this up” and in turn, messes it up.
The inner dialogue sounds like this:
“She understands me.”
“She’s my type.”
“She’s different.”
“There’s no other girl like her.”
“I love her. She’s not like other girls.”
“She’s the One.”
“She’s a ten.”
“I’ve never met a girl like her.”
Oneitis causes you to place the “special” woman on a pedestal, like a glorious object to be cherished. Men often feel this girl will “complete” them and they’ll alter their lifestyle in order to become the man they believe this girl wants.
Ouch. This is anti-game. A real man does what HE wants. He doesn’t aim to please. He’s just pleasing to be around…period.
The prescribed community cure is “GFTOW,” which means, “Go fuck ten other women.” The belief is that if you are able to attract ten other women, you’ll see that there are many, many, special women in the world. You will create an abundant mindset, not a scarcity mindset. Abundant men are attractive personalities.
Also, the process of finding ten other women will be long and arduous and transformational.
To get one woman you must learn to get all women.
This is the truth. To get your special snowflake you have to not need or want your “One.”
There is no “One.” This is a concept idealized by American romantic comedies, written by lonely beta men.
Treating a woman differently because she’s “special” will repel her.
But....I...sniff....Love, sniff....need....sniff....yooooouuuuuu!!!!! Sarrraaahh!!!! When you alter your beliefs and lifestyle to become more agreeable to her world, you create a vacuum of neediness that sucks all attraction into the void of friend zone.
“But Tony…She’s…different!”
I know, I know my son. It’s ok. Let it go. Forget her. Let’s go meet more women. There are ten special snowflakes on the next street corner.
Thank you law of averages.
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Hi Tony,
Great information on this site. I’ll be quick with my story/request for advice. I met a young girl (20) early this year. We hit it off immediately mainly because of my age (27) and atypical charm from the guys that normally hit on her. I become too clingy and “over-text” this girl, she stops talking to me for 5 months. We start talking again and she ends up getting a job where I work. She visits me daily, rediscovers my charm and novelty and we start to hang out again. We have sex but it is totally nervous for me because I’ve never had to work so hard for a girl in my life (chemistry was minimal because she had nothing to offer; I did all the work. Was definitely thinking with my penis, she is extraordinarily hot). Sex is good but I get to the point of oneitis and her ability to make plans to see me are very limited and she’s always “busy” with no explaination. If this girl is continuing to have sex with me (rarely), is she really just busy or am I just another one of the multiple guys she fucks?
Yes.