In the sixteen years I’ve been at this dating coaching thing, I’ve approached thousands of women. 

I probably would have quit trying so hard if I hadn’t made it my career. 

I regret nothing. This journey changed my life for the better, in amazing ways. And I hope I can help you to change yours. 

Here’s 12 things I’ve learned after approaching thousands of women in bars, cafe’s, restaurants, beaches, parks, malls, streets, in more than 30 different countries. 

1. “Game” works. 

Men who rely solely on their good looks cannot compete with men who understand the psychology of attraction. 

These guys we call “Naturals” may have had validation from females early in life. They might be very tall, or good looking. They might be able to get girls off the apps because of their looks. But they can’t compete with an average looking guy who has “game.” 

He won’t know push-pull, cold reading, teasing, escalation, or social-proof. He just won’t be able to work a room full of women the way a pickup artist can. 

Of course, my proof is entirely anecdotal, and the looksmax bros will fight me on it. Because they are nerds who never mastered the art of verbal game. 

Yes… you can talk yourself attractive. But it takes many years of practice. And some men just aren’t focused enough to master it. 

2. In a party situation, social proof is the most powerful technique. 

There’s an almost magical hack in the female brain called, “Pre-Selection.” It means if a woman notices that other women are attracted to a man, she will also become attracted to that man. 

After all, if women are “choosing” this guy, it must be for a reason! 

Women aren’t wired like men. A man doesn’t care if a female is famous. We’re not lining up to bang Oprah because she’s famous. But women react to famous men like moths to the light. They can’t help it. 

Always be seen talking to pretty girls, and never be alone. 

Read: How to use Social Proof.

3. Approach anxiety is normal.

Approach anxiety isn’t a disease that only you have, because you’re a broken man. Any man can completely eliminate AA – but it will take a few years and a few thousand approaches. 

Approach anxiety is simply an egoic reaction to the unknown. It’s a fight or flight, unconscious reaction. It’s when you try to solve multiple unsolvable questions at the same time. 

If you repeatedly face the source of your fear, and change the association from fear, to pleasure, your mind will rewire itself. 

I did it. You can do it too. 

Read: Women don’t care about your approach anxiety.

4. Women would rather share a winner with other women than be monogamous with a nobody. 

Pre-Selection and Social-Proof are the most powerful “hacks” in seducing women. 

The idea is simple: If other women choose him, it must be for a reason. 

This is why celebrities can sleep with unlimited women and society just brushes it off as, “Yeah, but he’s famous.” They even celebrate it. 

You don’t need to be famous to trigger her Pre-Selection. You just need to be “better” than the average guy. Not just better, but exceptional in every possible way. 

5. Most women are capable of cheating. 

In my many years as an international playboy, I had one big redpill: 

Women cheat. A lot! 

That good girl next door, the soccer mom, and the night club rat… they’re all capable of cheating, and most have. 

I lost count of how many married women I’ve slept with. Do I feel bad about it? Not in the slightest. Because these women didn’t seem bothered by it, so why should I? 

6. If she says “We’re not sleeping together tonight” you’re probably about to get laid. 

This is called “Projection.” 

When a female blurts out “We’re not having sex tonight” it means she’s thinking about your big hard cock deep inside her. 

This does not mean you should force yourself on the girl. It just means she’s getting turned on, and she’s verbalizing it. 

Either that or she doesn’t want you to think she’s a slut when your manhood is laying on her eager tongue after the first date. 

So if she says you’re not sleeping together tonight, you might be about to get laid.

7. Travelling to foreign countries to get hotter girls was easier before 2010. 

Thanks to the smart phone, now every woman has access to any type of guy she desires.

Back when I started travelling internationally to places like Vietnam, Mexico, Poland, etc, very few women had smart phones. Most still had flip phones. If they wanted to use online dating they had to get on a computer and focus on it. 

If they met a foreign guy it was exciting and new. 

Also, there were far less digital nomad passport bros. Now there’s tens of thousands of them, all with the same idea. 

Any girl, anywhere, can open a dating app on her phone and in a day have hundreds of applications from handsome, thirsty, foreign men who are more than happy to spend their savings on a hot exotic girl. 

It is what it is. Not impossible at all, just different. 

8. Black girls are the most friendly and social to approach. 

I’m not sure why black girls are so friendly and approachable. 

I swear, every time I’ve approached and flirted with dark skin girls, they absolutely loved it, and so did I. Maybe they don’t get approached by white guys as often as other races? 

9. Every “pua” rule can be broken if you have game. It’s a martial art. 

Don’t follow “get girls” advice dogmatically. However, don’t be too skeptical. Belief is the most powerful ally in your journey. 

Every “rule” is just an idea. You can break most of these rules. 

For example, always wait three days to text a girl, or never compliment her on her looks, or never buy her dinner or drinks. 

You can break all of these rules. They are just guidelines. 

The biggest lessons that you should never break are these: 

1. Don’t be a pussy
2. Don’t worship her pussy 

10. During your “player” phase you’ll pass on girls that ten years later you’ll wish you’d made a girlfriend. 

Your search for the next hotter, cooler, more charming girl can be fun, but it’s like a dog chasing its own tail. 

If you’re looking for the perfect girlfriend, you may die of old age first. 

Sometimes the perfect girlfriend material isn’t the 10/10 in looks, or 10/10 in personality. 

Loyalty… this matters more when it comes to an LTR. 

11. Picking up girls becomes more fun the better you get at it. 

Everything sucks when you lack skill. 

In the beginning, you have anxiety and don’t know what to say to women .

Once you have skill, it becomes very, very fun. 

This can take a few years of dedicated practice. 

Don’t quit. When you feel like quitting, work even harder. 

If it was easy then everyone would do it. 

12. Every student has two main issues: they don’t know “what to say” and they have “approach anxiety.” 

Every guy I’ve ever taught thinks they’re uniquely broken. 

They don’t approach girls because they don’t know what to say. Because of this limiting belief, they never get to practice, therefore never develop competence. 

It’s a vicious cycle of inaction and mediocrity. 

If you want into this club, you’ll have to pay the price. You’ll have to risk coming across as creepy, or embarrass yourself by getting rejected in public. 

Approaching women isn’t illegal. If you know a better way to become good with women, please let us know in the comments. 

Conclusion

I could write another 80+ notes here, but I think 12 is a good start. 

If you want to learn how to become amazing at talking to girls, check out the courses in my Skool Community where I teach how to talk to women, how to approach women, and much, much more. 

Until next time. 

Tony Depp.