“My Wife Cheated on Me.” Beta Tales
I was lurking on Reddit browsing the woeful stories of the beta males in r/relationships, when I came across this tragic, demoralizing tale of a young man and his cheating wife.
The common advice by Redditors was a reverberated wail of, “You poor man, dump the cheating bitch, what a slut!” Typical stone hurling from the masses.
He blames himself of course, for working long and distracting hours. Let’s analyze this dismal tale…
So… we’ve been married for about a year and a half, together for 7. I love her (or at least did…) more than I can express. I am founder/CEO of a company for 5 years and work a lot. For almost two years, my work became very obsessive, to the point where I wasn’t seeing my wife as much as I should have been. She got a job as a cook, which made this even worse (she was working 6 nights a week until 10pm, sometimes going drinking after until 1-2.)
So they’ve been together since he was twenty years old, but recently married. Why now? When you yank yourself off the sexual market…to your wife, you’re no longer a challenge. You’ve given up. The common tale is that after the knot has been tied comes, stale sex, weight gain, illogical demands, absurd arguments and extreme boredom. Why only after marriage?
Most likely either he sensed her waning interest and in a move of scarcity, proposed for sole ownership. She complied. Why not? It looks good to the parents. Or perhaps he knocked her up and made the noble move. Who knows? Only the result is evident.
As a till-deather, why work out? Why dress cool? Why be flirtatious, or creative, or impressive? You’ve tied the knot. She ain’t goin anywhere. Her fidelity is guaranteed! You might as well grab a brew and watch the game. Fire up the bbq on Sundays and join a bowling league.
You’re obsessed with your work– this is good. You’re a man on a mission. But you quit your mission to keep her happy? Sigh. Do you really want success with your marriage? Your woman’s time should be worth something, a precious moment, not a lethargic, default state.
This girl needs to work six nights a week? Why? Is she saving for a trip to Thailand?
You aim to please her when she’s upset, which is often. You listen attentively as she spazzes and you offer completely logical solutions, which only infuriate her further. What’s wrong with my wife? Why can’t she control her emotions? Maybe I’ll cook her dinner tonight and reward her behaviour.
She doesn’t want sex tonight? Perhaps you rarely make noise while fucking so as not to offend the neighbors. She wishes you would slap her around, just a little. At least tell her she’s a slut. Do something, anything, differently. Maybe we should talk about what’s wrong. You should buy her a gift tomorrow to show how much you love and need her. That’ll open those legs up, like in the good ol days.
You’ve only been with one girl, and it shows
Tuesday is sex day! Fifteen minutes, standardized foreplay, three positions and a shower. “Back to CSI honey, I got it on TiVo. Bring the nachos please. I love you!”
Routine is the death of soul
At first her job just made me work even more. She ended up getting upset/depressed we weren’t spending time together, I was a bit neglectful of the relationship, so she sat me down for a talk 4 months ago. After that, I made dramatic changes, cutting my hours at work back from ~108/week to ~44/week. I tried much harder to show her she mattered to me, to spend more time with her, but it was hard, since her schedule was so conflicting. We still hardly saw each other, and my suggestion she try to work different hours or quit made her angry (not supportive of her.) So essentially she didn’t help us see each other more.
Solutions
Ask yourself; if I’m not on my mission, what am I but a drone amongst the frightened mob?
Your first mistake: cutting back on your work hours. After seven years; how will spending more time together help? She’s not attracted to you on multiple levels–you’re an empty husk.
Beta male mind: If I show her how much I care, she will love me more.
Female mind: If I cry I get my way. He’s easy to manipulate. He is no longer a challenge. I don’t want to fuck him anymore. He’s boring and so willing to please. He only wants what I want, what about what he wants?
Finally, about a month ago, she quit to work somewhere else with better hours. I was thrilled, seeing this as an opportunity at last for us to spend real time together. But she was distant… strange. Would just watch TV all night. Then I find out through a friend she had been cheating on me for at least a couple months with another cook. She admitted to it as soon as I knew. Supposedly she broke it off with that guy, wants to try to fix things with me.
You were thrilled? Yeah right. Watching your business thrive is thrilling, reading Tolstoy is thrilling, Snowboarding is thrilling; watching reruns of reality t.v. with your wife of seven years is thrilling? Come now.
She watches t.v. all night because of your suckling, supplicating beta male ass trying to be, “pleasing.” Women want a dominant man, a leader; a focused yet playfully charming rogue. They want to earn you on a daily basis, moment to moment. They want you in your element, in your zone.
Get on bended knee and slip on that ring, it’s a downhill slide to shrivelled labia land; Sahara style. It’s basic female psychology: Would an winner submit to me? Life isn’t like The Notebook.
Gandalf refused the ring because it creates a Gollum
Conclusion
I’m taking this hard. This guy was a 32 year old (we’re both 27) line cook, probably illegal immigrant, going nowhere. I have worked my ass off, and have a lot to show for it. I can give her whatever she wants, and want so badly to make her happy. Why did she do this to me? And why with this guy?
Why this guy? I dunno, maybe he reads my blog?
He’s going nowhere alright, except your wife’s orifices. That illegal immigrant is a sexy, smooth talking Latin lover. And you go to Reddit for relationship advice. You don’t want the truth. That would mean redefining your identity, your beliefs. That’s a lot of work. That’s why you’re getting angry reading this story; emotion of recognition.
You think Ghengis Khan conquered half the world so he could give his 7th wife everything she wanted? No. He did it because what the fuck else was he going to do with his time? The women were a by-product.
Does a rockstar produce bestselling albums so he can give his girlfriend everything she wants? Then why does he have abundance, money, fame, respect and beautiful women? They respect his cock! They know he could dump their ass for something better. But many women like these emotions. They like having a goal: Be hot for their man, physically and intellectually.
Of course I’m generalizing. But shit needs to change–to prevent these tragedies–srsly.
Why is it that players end up with the healthy long term relationships? It’s because they would do just fine without a relationship. Women know this and work harder to meet their mate specifications. They’re rewarded for having standards, for playing hard to get and hard to keep.
Whew… sorry. I just want to get over this. Part of me just wants to forget it happened. Is that the right approach? Will I ever trust her again like I used to? This hurts so bad. I loved her so much, and a big part of me still does.
Forget, move on, start fresh, stay happy. Release the shackle and run free, little bird. The world is big and scary and painful but don’t worry, it will all be over soon.
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This post is brillant, thrilling. I would have never thought of the ‘ONE RING’ as a metaphor for the weakness marriage brings out in a men, but it works.
Thanks for reading Aaron. Share it with your brothers. 😎
Is the ring not symbolic of the Vagina? And the Finger the penis?
Keep it secret, keep it safe.
God..thank you. Randomly stumbled across one reddit story with a guy reacting in a simlar manner and thought for sure it was a one off – perused some more only to find he wasnt the exception, he was more of a rule. Maybe its like you said, guys putting in on blast on reddit to get advice are the very same kind of guys who go into “we can fix it” mode in the first place but still this reads like madness to me.
Cold world but you nailed it when you said “hard to get, hard to keep”. Comes down to a guy with standards at the end of a day, a guy who is “focused” gets a partner as a by product. if youre doing it to provide everythign for her youre doing ti wrong man.
I get it, finding out you dont know somebody you thought you kenw is a gut check but you really are your own person, even when your in love. You dont go from being a hwole to being a half only completed by the other half. Not saying it shouldnt hurt but you cannot let someone else disrupt your health and well being like that you really cannot depend on someone else to be you for you or youll be disappointed everytime.
I’m sorry. No. The problem isn’t that he’s a “beta” male, it’s that he married a bitch.
This hive mind view of women is misogynist, to say the least. There are women who won’t cheat. There are men who won’t cheat.
People who cite evolution are numb skulls. We’re citizens, not hunter-gatherers. Some women want cavemen, “alpha males”. Some women want nurturers.
It’s women who look for relationships to find themselves rather than women who look for an extension of themselves that are trouble. You don’t define a woman. Your relationship doesn’t define a woman. When a person knows who he/she is, he/she is more able to commit to something.
Maybe the “beta” male (which is absurd… this whole beta/alpha binary. A guy with all alpha traits is doomed to perish. We live in a society, not as hermits.) characteristic is *expecting* to be cheated on when the guy isn’t being “all man”. Real couples look after each other. This whole path is lonely and desperate, just like the pre-societal evolutionary model on which you base it.