Make Her Your Girlfriend in Five Steps

I sometimes get mail from girls asking “Why don’t you teach guys to have real and meaningful relationships?”

And I think about it a little, and the answer is “Because girlfriends are hard to find.”

That’s why most guys are here. My specialty is approaching. Not relationships, or female psychology. 

While I do have opinions, I don’t feel like any sort of relationship expert. It’s not something I tend to think about. But I’ll try to articulate my feelings on finding a girlfriend.

Meeting mutual relationship criteria is so rare, that it literally happens only a few times in a person’s life. Especially for first worlders, where we can live a good life on minimum wage, and a long term partnership serves no need other than emotional comfort and entertainment.

The most sought after girls are usually married in their early twenties.

Why? Because some guy realized how great she was, and stuck a ring on her finger. Most of us in our late twenties or older who remain single, do so for one reason: We think we can do better. And better is always the “next” one.

Seriously. Why does anybody “need” a girlfriend? For sex? To not be alone? Why does a woman need a boyfriend? They don’t. A relationship in the west is a want—not a need.

You shouldn’t pick a girlfriend because she’s young and pretty (though that’s a good incentive) but she has skills that will improve your life. Having sex on tap is not incentive—we can get that from prostitutes, or a few long nights in the club scene. To escape loneliness is not a reason. You should have a life that is anti-fragile to loneliness.

Find a girlfriend because she adds value to your life, in ways other than how she looks or makes you feel.

I’m probably not the most experienced guy ltr wise. In my roughly 22 years of dating I’ve spent about 4 years in monogamy between three girls, preferring short relationships, multiple relationships, or no relationships at all.

As I age I’m becoming more open to having a steady girlfriend. I doubt I’ll find her in Canada. I’ll most likely meet her in Eastern Europe, Asia or South America. Then again, travelling down there, it’s so much easier to attract beautiful women–the smorg of choice makes it even harder to settle down. 

And about travel. Finding a girlfriend is a lot harder if you live in a top tier city, like New York, Los Angeles, or Toronto. The reason being, people are spoiled for choice. That means to compete with other attractive guys, you need to step up even harder than if you looked in small towns outside the main cities, where women wouldn’t meet as many men. The same goes for western guys travelling to foreign countries, where your exoticness increases your perceived status.

Generally, the hipper the city, or wealthier the country, the harder it is for people to find long term relationships.

We are so rich, that we don’t need a partner. Being single is our privilege.

Anyway, if you meet a girl and you want her to be your girlfriend:

1.Be awesome

Who is the final judge of your awesomeness? You are. It is totally up to you to make yourself as interesting, confident, successful and handsome as possible.

This means working on self-development, which is the basis of all of this stuff, and a huge subject that delves into psychology, spirituality, health and wellness, education, income generation, hobbies, and lifestyle. The more awesome you are, the more women will want to remain in your life after a bang.

2. Great sex

I’ve noticed time and time again, with women who I connected sexually with, they wanted to be my girlfriend. Not immediately of course. But it seems like great lovemaking is so rare to find, that when they discover you possess the magic touch that gets them moaning and squirting, well they just won’t want to let go of that. Also there is oxytocin, the chemical responsible for feelings of love and comfort. When you bang, this is released and seems to be especially potent in women.

I know it’s rather unromantic to say love is because of a chemical. All I’m saying is if you take care to be a great lover, and give her the attention in bed she deserves, she will come to love you for it.

3. Follow your word

Being a noble and righteous man of your word is super attractive the females. That means if you say you don’t feel like cuddling or talking about feelings because you have to write a blog post for your small business…you write the blog post. If you’re going to look for a higher paying job because you are running short on cash…you look for a better job. If the apartment is dirty and you say you’re going to clean it, you clean it. Sharp women can tell when a man is on his mission, and this tells them he will be a great partner.

4. Don’t be a pussy

I don’t know many great women who want a whiney, indecisive, afraid to take a risk boyfriend. They want a guy who is adventurous, who is a leader, who speaks his mind, and isn’t going to allow her to walk all over him whenever she has a tantrum. Most women won’t even articulate this, but nothing turns a girl off a guy more than when he agrees with everything she says, or when he wilts and supplicates to her every desire, no matter how retarded the demand. Learn to stand up for yourself.

5. Be Vulnerable

If you’ve read too many manosphere or pua blogs you might get the notion that you need to be a battle hardened alpha all of the time. But in order to develop those tingly boyfriend material feelings, you need to drop the act sometimes. Not too often, but have those conversations about “feelings” once in awhile. Tell her you care about her, and that your life might not be as interesting without her. I like to follow this up honestly with “I feel like such a sissy telling you this, but you … complete me.”

This does not give you a pass to revert to some male-feminist hipster. Just know that talking about your fears, doubts or insecurities “sometimes” can show your humanity. Also, have empathy for your girl, and encourage her to share her insecurities. Show that soft counter to your hard alpha male exterior…sometimes. In fact, very rarely but on special occasions.

What About Honesty? Can’t I just Tell Her How I Feel?

Should you just tell her you want to be her boyfriend? I would love to give the Disney answer and say yes, but in my experience, it’s usually better to be pursued, than the pursuer. If the girl chases me, and I’m the one with the final say in the matter, it seems to create a stronger bond.

My advice is let her bring up the chat. If you’re the guy who is seeking a long term partner, and you try to force that agenda on a casual girl, she might run. Instead, drop subtle hints that you’re available. “I wonder what it would be like if we were more serious. I bet you would be a control freak!” A little tease can put the idea in the girl’s head. But I advice to not show too much enthusiasm. I suppose it’s a first world problem, but women here don’t always react well to nice guy, sensitive guy behaviour. As jaded as that sounds, it’s true.

Also, a little jealousy can go a long way. This is why it’s so important to know how to approach women. So that you always have the option to find another girl. The girls I dated ltr wise, had to coral me into a corner and demand monogamy. They knew how much I cared for them, and they didn’t want me seeing other women. They also knew I had the skill to meet other women, and they weren’t my only choice. Your girlfriend should always feel like you could slip away into the arms of another woman, should she fail in her duty of being the best damn girlfriend ever.