A few years ago I started hearing from women what I considered three problematic words:

“I love you.”

To my Casanovian ears these words rang holy alarm bells. They meant I’d be dealing with neediness, jealousy, and women who were what my natural friend calls “Dick Sick.”

I’ve since changed my views.

Most guys who are just getting into game only want to overcome their approach anxiety, learn how to have a good conversation, how to text, and maybe find a girlfriend. It’s the rare weirdo who wants to sleep with hundreds of women from every corner of the globe.

I happen to be one of those weirdos. That hasn’t changed. But I am more open to love than ever before. One, because the expression of “love” is a powerful seductive tool, yes, but also being open to receiving love means you can keep the women around. And the women who love you will be the most loyal women you ever date.

The problem is the power dynamic. Love feelings tend to arise when the power dynamic isn’t balanced. Men love women who have more charisma than they do, and vice versa. This isn’t love, but fear of loss, or scarcity.

But then again, what is love?

In the early stages it’s beneficial to embrace the philosophy that love is “just a chemical reaction designed for pair bonding.”

A vast majority of newbies seek out seduction advice to find Jedi mind tricks to mesmerize their oneitis. There’s some special snowflake who’s different than all the other girls, and if he gets this one girl, she will make him happy for the rest of his life, and there will finally be world peace.

His obsessive compulsive focus on attaining the affections of this Princess, he interprets as “love.”

Of course, this sort of thought runs opposite to pickup philosophy of “Being the prize” and repulses the special snowflake. His display of “love” reminds her of the needy, jealous, controlling, whining, crying and stalker like behaviour of the lower SMV men she dated in the past.

So he finds Pua literature and hardens up. Love is just a chemical reaction, he tells himself. He builds an psychic wall around his heart and deadens his emotional core to protect himself from rejection. This combined with action, brings more prospects and eventually sexual conquests into his life. But at a cost of long term retention in his later developmental stages.

Basically the definition of love as a “chemical reaction for pair bonding” takes all the poetry, the authentic emotional exchange out of the equation.

So the question again is, what is love?

Philosophers have been trying to figure that one out since the first primordial boner. But here are some quotes from some great minds:

What is Love?

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” 

― Dr. Seuss

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” 

― Martin Luther King Jr.

“At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.”

– Plato

“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”

– Aristotle

“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.”

– Bruce Lee

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

– Lao Tzu

“Love is a dog from hell.”

– Charles Bukowski

Basically, they have no idea either.

Love is that invisible rainbow that exists everywhere, but we can’t see it. We can only feel it. It’s an energy, a silent music that with experience, we can direct, and control, in direction and intensity. You can do this without even words.

(Imagine John Lennon strumming a guitar)

Women understand this far more intuitively than we men. We’re not the naturally communicative species. We prefer grunts, moans, and action. Women are masters of subtle communication, and grander gestures of love.

Love can also be expressed in words, and action:

A mother lifting a burning car to rescue a trapped baby. A poet writing an epic sonnet to profess his adoration for a girl.

All I know is that by expressing that frequency, of bliss, joy, and contentment, I’m able to attract women. But first, I love myself. 

Many years ago I tried MDMA, the love drug. I popped the pill and went to a party. With my endorphins cranked to 120% I made out with some random girl. Actually, every girl I spoke to seemed to love me back. Why? Because I was overcome with a feeling of love, and expressed it freely. And then the drug wore off, I crashed, and became epicly depressed. 

Most guys go out to meet women, and have one goal: to get laid. But what if you went out to express your love, for yourself, for fellow man and wahman?

It’s easy…just feel abundant, and incredibly happy, no matter what. Love people. Love life and life will reciprocate.

Vulnerability in Relationships

I know the Internet is riddled with all these gay cliche’s about vulnerability. Honestly, I think most of that advice sucks. There’s nothing that will scare a woman off faster than becoming too vulnerable too early. And in my dating experience, being vulnerable at all, especially by sharing your doubts and insecurities, will just become ammunition for a fight or breakup. This is why you should only be vulnerable in your direst moments. After the death of a beloved pet, for example. And definitely not because you’re short on rent, or ashamed of your beer belly. Nothing dries up a woman’s love for a man like open displays of insecurity.

Never Give a Compliment?

This is an old maxim from the pickup artists: Never compliment a woman. Why? Because it puts her on the fabled pedestal, and gives away your power.

Sure, if you’re a newbie.

But that advanced, superior man, doesn’t fear expressing his affection, because it doesn’t come from a place of wanting, and needing, and desperation. Only from pure expression. Women love men who are vulnerable not out of weakness, but out of strength.

What’s more vulnerable than exposing your heart to the world?

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***I teach men how to improve their dating lives. Have you ever considered professional coaching?***