When Grown Men Cry

When I was first getting into pickup, one of my best friends, a natural, was patiently listening to me complain about my lack of results, and he gave me the best advice ever…

“Tony. You just have to be positive. Always positive.”

Recently I sent a phone coaching client on a mission to approach five women a day for a week. He had mixed results. Most of the girls he approached said they already had a boyfriend, while others said, “Thank you,” and walked away. A few were even a little creeped out.

He told me that he was crying while he wrote the email. I gave him some advice and ended with this statement:

“You’re not crying because you’re having a hard time with pickup, you’re having a hard time with pickup because you’re crying.”

While some of you might laugh at the notion of a grown man crying because he can’t seem to pickup a woman—others nod their head in recognition of their own frustrations. But I’ll tell you, I’ve seen many grown men cry during training sessions—not always because of failure—but often because of success. Men crying because they were so happy to have grown spiritually.

When I first started I went out seven nights a week for three months straight before I picked up my first girl. She became my girlfriend for a time.

Yet, no matter how many times I tell this to men, they don’t care. All they see is their own shortcomings, and think that they are special snowflakes, and no man has ever been through what they’re going through. No other man has had to struggle to figure this stuff out. It’s only them.

It’s not.

Every year I train hundreds of men how to find success with women, and believe me, you are not alone. We are lonely, frustrated, and extremely horny. The difference between men who succeed and men who fail comes down solely to their attitude. Men who succeed remain positive and avoid at all costs the poisonous, “Victim Mentality,” that is inherent in failures. They understand that perseverance in the face of hardship is what turns boys to men.

Nothing of great value ever comes easy. I don’t play the lotto because I believe hard work is my lottery. I own the lottery.

When I am working on a self-development project and things aren’t going my way, my therapy is to write a blog post, go to the gym, spend time with friends, or read a book. And yes, I’ve cried because of pickup. And it made me feel a little better. There’s nothing wrong with crying.

Men are fed all this bullshit that it’s not masculine to cry, to share their feelings, or to carry an umbrella. Here in Vancouver I see loads of men walking around, soaking wet, because they are too manly to carry a fucking umbrella. Well, men are designed to solve problems, yet we lock ourselves in these cycles of failure because some social system taught us to behave a certain way.

“Never harass a woman.”
“Be seen, not heard.”
“Just be yourself.”

We’ve been fed so much bullshit we could be made of it

Here’s my advice to all you newbs that are struggling after approaching fifty or one hundred women: Approach fifty or one hundred more. And then do it again, and again. Keep your chin high and believe that if you want this bad enough, and if you work hard enough, you will learn the skill.

And in the downtime, start a business, a band, try public speaking, go to networking events.

Pickup is a skill set, not a lifestyle

I never, ever feel sorry for someone who complains about their lack of success in dating, because I guarantee it was just as hard, if not harder, for myself, and most of my friends. We didn’t give up, we don’t blame women, we don’t beat ourselves up, we don’t look for answers. We do one thing:

We try again, and never, ever give up. Most of all, we remain always positive.

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