Can A Blender Change Your Life?

So, always late to the self-dev train, I finally bought myself a blender (still don’t have a microwave.) A Nutri-Bullet—which is basically a one-cup, minimalist blender.

For the last week I’ve been on a smoothie diet, and what joy it brings. After just two days of guzzling the health nectar, my mood swerved out of a sticky melancholic stupor into full bright nimbus. My mood depends on a lot of factors; from exercise, to creative output, positive time spent with friends and family, and these need to be combined daily, or else I suffer and write angry blog posts. I had no idea the instant and profound effect a simple change in breakfast would have. Instead of a muffin or egg and toast, I now have power-mush.

Here’s the Tony D super smoothie, which I totally invented and nobody has ever thought of before:

Kale + any fruits and veggie you want. Carrot, ginger, broccoli, banana, avocado, orange, strawberry, blueberry, and so forth. Toss in some hemp seeds, goji berries, organic honey, coconut oil, flax, maybe protein powder or a hard boiled egg chaser and you’re good. Hippy food. It’s a massive blast of nutrients and fibre, sure to leave you high on life and pooping like a champ

I think it’s the kale that keeps me feeling not so much full as, “not hungry,” for hours. And it has a drastic effect on my overall mood and level of, “tiredness.” I don’t have as many of those mid day yawns, and the brain cloud has lifted.

It takes a body a lot of energy to process meat and carby, processed foods like bread, rice, potatoes, and refined sugar. With a juice diet, you can have as many smoothies as you want, but your body doesn’t exhaust itself in the digestion process. It just goes in and out quickly. That’s been my experience anyway.

I’m no luddite. Any tool that improves your life by saving time, or influencing positive change is a good investment, even for a minimalist. But be aware, a blender will not change your life. Your blender is no substitute for religion, or a pocket vagina. You have to maximize not only the good things you put in your body, but the good things you put out into the world.

Most people deal with depression through absorbing, relaxing and escapism: Internet, tv, video games, promiscuous sex with strangers (one of my favs), drugs, alcohol, porn, sweet and salty foods, short vacations to all inclusive beach resorts.

Escapism though fun should not be a life goal. There’s a myth that retirement to foreign beaches is the dream realized. But spend a little time in Thailand and witness the hordes of aged, obese, alcoholic expats, and see what the results of a pursuit of leisure, pleasure, and the freedom to stuff yourself with nasty food and fornicate with ladyboys can do to a man.

Eating healthy, exercising, meditating, creating, educating (yourself and others) socializing and working towards worthy goals, if even for ten minutes a day, will do more for your mental health than any prescription drug, orgasm, or designer beach vacation.

The yellow brick road to happiness and enlightenment won’t be found in a banana, kale, ginseng and goji berry smoothie—but it’s a start, and a keystone to a longer term strategy of personal, Napoleon like dominance over yourself. 

So get a blender, or risk not being…

Like me.