Think Like a Fighter Who Wants to Win

(This will take you ten minutes to read.)

Hey Tony,

I’m wondering what your thoughts on the article below are as it can relate to pick-up.

In martial arts there’s always a curve where newbies/intermediates hit a plateau where they can’t seem to improve and the natural tendency (especially in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu) is to try to learn new moves that your opponents haven’t seen before. The black belts and the champions always say that’s a red herring because you’re only going to beat people at your skill level who have never seen the move before: you’re never going to beat a black belt or a champion because trick moves usually don’t work against someone who knows more moves than you do. It’s always emphasized that it’s fundamentals that win fights at the highest levels: the person who can more successfully impose his own fundamentals is the person who will win at the highest levels.

In BJJ that means instead of learning new and different moves, you go back and practice the basics until your timing, movement and understanding improves to such a level that you break through your plateau and you start beating a higher level of opponent.

I’ve always took this to heart and focusing on the basics has always helped me move forward in my growth as a martial artist where I’ve seen others stall.

Here’s a quote from the article below:

“You can’t effectively break the rules until you know them well and have a deep understanding for the purpose behind it all. That is a solid foundation.”

And it also reminds me of another quote that I’ve taken to heart in my training. This one is from Dan Gable, who is one of the greatest wrestlers in modern history and probably the greatest wrestling coach in modern history: “If it’s important do it every day.”

So I’m wondering how I can apply these mindsets to pick-up. What are the fundamentals of pick-up that should always form the foundation of what I do? What are the things that are so important I should do them every day?

I’m thinking it’s this: approach – statement of intent – physical escalation – move her physically around and finally to a place sex can happen.

Any thoughts on this?

All I can say is, “I agree.”

You can compare pickup to anything related to human interaction. In a fight, you have an opponent who is trying his best to counter your moves, to find an opening he can exploit. As a seducer, you are looking for the same. You must understand your fundamentals of course. But the difference is that some fighters go to the gym to get some exercise, and others go to the gym because they want to win fights.

You have a lot of the basics down for daygame and nightgame. You approach, you have good body language and tonality, you’re becoming more physical. But it seems to me you show up to practice, rather than trying to win the fight. This is the mindset you need. To win.

Realize that seduction is more like dancing than fighting. The women are not your opponents, but more like partners. They are your cheerleaders. But that doesn’t mean they are going to hook up with you without good reason.

I’m not really sure what you want me to do. To give you a strict regimen? Do this move, then that move. Say this and then that. Focus on physical game at night, verbal game in the day.

Here’s the question: What do you want? You want a hot woman to suck your cock? To come over on the weekend and watch movies, or go on dinner dates? Or do you want to improve your social skills, whatever that means? If you want to achieve a goal, you have to have one.

Ask yourself not what you should do, but what do you want. What do you want to do with her right now? Lead.

I had two dates in the last two days, because three weeks ago I said I would try to get a number every day. I got myself a bunch of phone numbers. I was aggressive at my own pursuit, while also coaching you, and the other students.

When I’m out there I’m not thinking “Today I will practice moving girls from one place to the other.” Or, “Tonight I will focus on physical game.” I’m thinking, “Which one of these girls will like me a lot. How can I make her feel comfortable enough around me to see me again?”

When I get my numbers I text them every evening, or sometimes during the day. Sometimes I call them on the phone. I’m always getting more numbers, and setting up dates because that is my goal: To find a new girlfriend or two.

When you watch someone like Anderson Silva, he always uses his opponents attacks, and counters them. His opponents know that he’s vulnerable to emotional collapse as we’ve seen in his last few fights. But when Anderson Silva is doing his best, it appears as if he isn’t really leading the fight, but reacting to it. He has complete emotional control, which allows him to react in the moment, which is actually leading. He puts out a few jabs and leg kicks until the opponent loses his focus and moves forward. His technique is sound, but it’s his improvisational skill that wins him the fights. And he knows what he wants…to win.

This is just like my game. I put in a few jabs and if she reacts, I unleash my (nerd alert) escalation, push-pull, teasing, cold reads, time bridging, qualification, dhv stories, negs, kino, merging sets, insta dates. Whatever it takes. I’ve learned all of this from experience only. I study theory in my off time, and when I’m out I think only of, “How can I bang this girl. How can I convince her I’m worth her time?”

My off time is spent reading, going to the gym, analyzing other infield videos, watching documentaries, writing. But when I go out to meet women, my focus is, “How do I get this girl to my house, or hers.” Because I know what I want, like a fighter who says, “I will submit him in round two,” I have a clear goal.

Fundamentals are key in any skill, you know this. But what you need to do is push your comfort zone. Do things you are afraid of. Approach groups that intimidate you. Go for risky moves that might get you rejected. Embarrass yourself on purpose, just to see what happens.

Just keep doing what you’re doing, and don’t look too hard at the theory. The fighter who has lost many real fights and never took a lesson will always crush the newbie who has worked his fundamentals for ten years, but never had his ass kicked.