What’s The Worst First Text Ever?

Here’s the thing about best and worst texting practices in 2016—women are used to guys with text game. So if you’re trying to stand out by texting the equivalent of a voice mail from 1996, don’t be surprised if you never meet that girl.

A client asked me to critique his texting. He handed me his phone and I read the first line.

“I’m Chris, the guy you met at the bar. It was really nice to meet you. Want to grab a coffee sometime?”

Worst first text ever. Holy beta boy I almost slapped him.

When I explained that this sort of text will land him straight in the “do not bang” category, he bemoaned “Why can’t I just text how I really feel? Why do I have to play games?”

“Because you are texting a first world city-girl you met in a bar in 2016, not a virgin from a Ukrainian village in 1982.”

My first text is always the same:

“Tony.”

Just my name. Nothing else. And then I wait.

This way there is no hint of neediness. There is no way I can fuck this up. It doesn’t demand a reply, so if she does reply it shows investment on her part. And if she doesn’t then oh well, I can try something else later.

But if she’s really, really interested she will reply enthusiastically; hopefully with something like “Hi Tony. It was really nice to meet you. Maybe we can get a coffee sometime?”

Responses like the above are gold, but rare unless your perceived value is very high. That doesn’t mean we should deliver the same communication to a girl we like. Because for women, an overly-available, eager-man, is a warning sign that he could be a stalker, a cryer, a whiner, a clinger, and so forth. That’s because attractive women are by the vast majority of men, always perceived as high value. That is except for the rare guy who is too popular and busy to place them on the fabled pedestal. They’ve experienced these archetypes before and the “Nice to meet you” guys are almost always from the beta category: The needy, stalking clingers. The four thrust finishers. 

For women, the most attractive men are the most desirable, in-demand men. That means there should be a demand for that man’s time, and he should never be overly eager. Over-eagerness signals that he has limited, or no choice in the dating pool. “He must be a loser if he’s so eager to meet me.” 

Understand this: Single, attractive women correspond digitally with more men in a week, than you will in six months.

A few years ago I made a fake female profile on OkCupid. I borrowed some pics from my attractive girlfriend and made the profile for a city far away. Almost as soon as it went live we were receiving lame messages. The vast, vast majority of openers looked like this:

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Yo.”

“Hey your pretty.” (Spelling mistake on purpose.)

“Hi. Nice to meet you! I’m Jimmy. I noticed you are very, very pretty. Why are you on OkCupid!? ;)”

“Hi.”

“What’s up?”

“How are you?”

“Hi. Nice to meet you.”

The assault of “sameness” was unsurprising. Though more have now, still, most men have not studied game. Most men figure that if they find a girl attractive, and if they are really, really nice—way nicer than all the other men who aren’t nice, then the girl might see this and be into them. “Oh, finally a man who won’t treat me like shit, like the last 8 guys I dated.”

The bachelor-wives-tale of the unattainable bad-boy who scores all the pretty girls isn’t fantasy. Men who match their adventurous and care-free spirit, unapologetic sexuality (within reason), and a cock-sure attitude, tend to attract the romantic attention that the friend-zoned man fantasizes about.

You don’t have to be mean, or aloof. Just don’t be the same as every other boring nice guy. And don’t ever, ever text “It was nice to meet you.”

***Americans should consider coaching up here in Vancouver. Our dollar at the moment is 69 cents to your $1. So that’s a real deal. Get infield with Tony D in Vancouver, Toronto or Montreal.***