The Power of Jealousy

I’m currently in Bangkok, for about five weeks. I’m helping out a young client.

He has a very common, recurring problem:

He meets a girl in the daytime, at a beach, a waterfall, a hostel, etc. They agree to meet up at some backpacker bar party, and when he arrives, some other good looking muscle-shirt sporting chad is stealing her attention.

So, how does he get her attention back on him?

The answer is jealousy. “Hit on other girls, do it well, and let her see it” I say.

“So, basically…you have to have game,” he replies.

“Exactly.”

Young, beautiful women at beachside parties in foreign lands have the attention span of gnats. They will fly to the nearest shiny object, and the new, funny, brave guy, is always shinier.

But women are also highly competitive, and prone to extreme jealousy. The old adage “People want what they can’t have” rings true. Especially though, with women.

What is seen as desirable to others, becomes shiny.

Here’s a little parable from yesterday. I’m having a coffee at a hostel and a pretty wahmen sits beside me. I say hello, we get along, and decide to go for a walk around Bangkok. We spend the day taking selfies, hugging, flirting, and agree to meet up for drinks that night at the bar. She just has to contact me.

Ten pm comes around and I haven’t heard from her yet. What gives? I figure she either hasn’t checked her email (no sim card yet) or she’s met some shinier, new object. So I head to the bar anyway, and there’s a raging little party going on. Sure enough, she’s sitting leg to leg with some bearded Australian, laughing her pretty face off.

First, you, as a man, must never, ever, show jealousy. This betrays a lack of abundance, a lack of confidence. So I sit beside her. We hug, chat a little, and she goes back to this guy, her back turned to me. A few minutes later they’re kissing. Ouch…

So in this situation I could try to out-chat the competition, steal back her attention, tool the poor guy. But this is usually a losing situation. Since he’s been working on her for god knows how long, and she’s already invested in him, I risk entering into a cock-fight where the only chance of winning is causing him to lose his cool—to show that he cares a little too much about the outcome. This can lead to a unnecessary drama and bad vibes. It can be messy. And besides, abundance, right?

So I choose option B: Jealousy. A public display of game.

I see three pretty girls dancing near the table. I stand up, approach them, guess the nationality of the girls (they’re Indian), make them laugh, hug them, and they love me of course. I shoot a glance back at the girl and now she’s ignoring backpacker guy, and staring at me with a deep expression of concern. Did she make the wrong choice? Those girls seem to really like Tony. He was really fun, and interesting after all.

It only takes a minute, and I return to my beer. Before I sit down she’s reaching out for me.

“Where did you go? Where you getting another beer?”

“No, I was just being social.”

Now she’s ignoring the backpacker guy, and focusing 100% on me. The backpacker, defeated for now, gets up and walks away. “You’re such a cool guy” she says. “I had so much fun hanging out with you today” she says.

Ahhh, sweet jealousy.

The added bonus is that the three girls I approached are also staring at me, receiving the full doting attention of this pretty lady who minutes ago was making out with someone else. Who is he? Why is he so special?

This is called a “Jealousy Plot-Line.” An old Jedi mind trick. It takes advantage of a female attraction mechanism called “Pre-Selection.”

Basically, women want to be with the guy that other women are attracted to. It’s the ancient, female lizard brain. They unconsciously want the best DNA for their offspring, and since good looks alone don’t guarantee survival in the wasteland, they use pre-selection, or social proof, as evidence. “If they like him, he must be special.”

Game is impressive to everyone, especially women.

If I wanted to be a real bastard I could have invited the three girls over. “Hey, meet my friend.” Got them competing head to head in a feline mating frenzy.

This strategy isn’t evil, or wrong. Women don’t care about how sweet you are, how loyal you might be, or how empathetic, and what a good listener you are.

They care about the “feelings” you give them. Whether that’s fun, or excitement, or fascination, or yes…jealousy. They’re the choosers in the mating game, and competition is fierce. They really don’t care if you feel sad, or ignored. They want the strongest guy.

The man who gives her the full emotional experience wins.