Most men want to be better at talking to women.

I hear it all the time.

“Tony! I don’t know what to say to girls! If I just knew what the f&ck to say, all my worldly problems would vanish, and beautiful women would jump out of windows onto my d$ck and I’d have a loyal harem of dream babes and life would be perfect!”

That’s what you all sound like, btw.

Well, most of you sound like that. That’s how experienced guys interpret it, anyways.

Have you noticed that when you complain about it, experienced men just smile, or say “Don’t worry bro. You’ll figure it out. It gets better.”

It’s not that we they don’t care.

They know, because they’ve been through it. And no matter how many times we tell you all… virgins are born every year. Men without fathers. Men without balls.

You have to earn your skills. Nobody is born great at talking to women.

Every new guy suffers from the same seemingly unsolvable problem of not “knowing what to say” to women. Even I used to. Not anymore, thank Ganesh.

But you can learn. You can!

I remember my newbie days fondly. Even though I had a script of pickup lines, I’d forget them anyway. Adrenaline does that. Fear does that. The infinite vastness of the unknown… is real.

You know that you don’t know. But then you practice, and you know. And now you are. Top dog Alpha styles. Like me. I always know exactly what to say.

Not.

I don’t think about it. I trust the Gods of Charisma to guide my voice. They always do. And if they don’t… well to Hell with them.

You want to be present, to the moment, Zen like.

And be prepared to screw up, over, and over, a lot.

Be prepared to make a lot of mistakes talking to hot women

Once I was noobing it up in this pizza shop, and this dressed-in-blue cutie walked by. “You remind me of a Smurf,” I said.

Smurfs are these little blue cartoon bastards from my childhood.

She went nuts, started screaming, clawing at me. “You motherF$*er! F$#k you man!”

Her friend physically held her from tearing my eyes out. “What did you say to her!?” she asked.

“I just said she… looked like a Smurf.”

“What the hell is a Smurf?”

“It’s a cute little cartoon character. I meant that she’s cute.”

“Oh. Okay.” She eased up. “Well… explain that next time! You could have just told her she was cute.”

Another time I almost got into a brawl because I asked a girl what hand lotion brand she used. Creeped her out proper.

Situations like this happened over, and over, for years until I learned “context.”

1. Context Helps Her Understand

The girls didn’t know who the Smurfs were. They hadn’t seen that cartoon. So I should have explained the context:

“I used to watch this cartoon with these cute, adorable little characters called Smurfs. You’re all in blue and reminded me of them. You’re cute like them.”

In my bootcamps I often put a microphone on my clients, record them and review the conversation later. It’s almost always context that messes up their interactions. They try to make some observation, and the girl doesn’t have a clue.

Guy: “You walk very quickly. You must be a creative person.”

Girl: “Why?”

Guy: “Ummmm, errr.”

New guys will say she’s “Interesting” or “Confident” but don’t explain “why” he’s interpreting her this way. How does walking fast tie into creativity? It doesn’t unless you explain why. Maybe you knew a creative person who walked fast, and she reminds you of her?

As a writer trying to explain complex ideas, and often using metaphors, I have to assume the reader has no context.

For example, if I say that modern men lack the ritual of transition in moving from boy, to man, like The Spartans did, then I have to assume that some readers are unfamiliar with The Spartans, who were an ancient Greek warrior tribe, made recently famous again by the movie “300.”

If you find your verbals falling flat, it’s usually because you failed to explain context.

2. Rich Descriptions Make Conversations More Fun

What sounds more interesting?

“I ate a peach at lunch. It was good. Then I went back to work.”

Or

As I bit into, and punctured the fuzzy skin of the fat, ripe smelling peach, the sticky, sweet juice dribbled down my chin, and through my Gandalf beard. Then the screech of my alarm went off, and I thought  “Captain Kirk’s nipples! I’m late for work!”

In writing we call this “Rich Description.”

I employ all of these senses: Sound, taste, touch. I also give it heightened emotion “I’m late for work!”

What was previously a boring statement became a work of poetry. Of course… I’m a literary genius. But anyone can learn to be competent with practice. (You’ll never be me though. Don’t even bother.)

Catch yourself in conversations with girls, where a surface level, boring statement can be made richer with a few added details, like touch, smell, sound, emotion, and drama.

3. Enthusiasm and Attraction

You can make almost any boring topic interesting simply by adding some enthusiasm.

If someone asked me what I did today I could say: “I walked to the cafe and wrote a blog post.” Or I could say “I woke up in a sort of stupor and realized if I wanted to write an epic, life changing article, I would need a coffee strong enough to make my nut hairs fall off.”

What woman would not be seduced by such poetic mastery of language!? Very few, I may attest.

If she asks you what your job is, don’t say “I’m an engineer.” Say “I create the structures and systems that allow information to flow throughout the world. I’m practically a Demi-God of engineering.”

Add enthusiasm to your conversations and all those boring subjects become epic tales of adventure.

4. Positive Threads When Talking to Women

A general rule for being better at talking to women is to “always be positive.”

Women are attracted to fun, expressive, vibrant, energetic men. There are exceptions, but for general conversation you should avoid negative topics. You can spin any negative into a positive. For example:

Negative thread

Guy: “The weather sure sucks today. I hate the rain.”

Girl: “Yeah…sucks.”

Positive Thread

Guy: “I’m glad it’s raining. It’s a good excuse to stay home and work on my novel.”

Girl: “Yeah rain is good for indoor hobbies.”

Negative

Guy: “You looked bored so I came to say hello.”

Girl: “I’m not bored. Just tired.”

Positive

Guy: “You look like the most fun girl here. I had to say hi.”

Girl: “Lol!”

Negative

Guy: “These drinks are so expensive.”

Girl: “Yeah that’s why I get beta males to buy them for me.”

Positive

Guy: “I’m not going to drink too much. Gotta hit the gym tomorrow and need my energy.”

Girl: “I do yoga.”

When the girl starts down negative threads you want to re-frame the conversation to positive. Cut those threads.

Girl: “I just wish I was finished school. I have so much homework to do.”

Guy: “You’re going to be a high powered business woman with your own private jet.”

Girl: “Heavy metal music is so loud. I don’t like it.”

Guy: “I like all music… except Polka. I love Polka.”

The reason you should always focus on positive conversation threads is because they’re fun. If she has fun talking to you, then she will equate being with you = fun.

Of course there are exceptions, for example politics, which you should avoid like the plague. When women start telling me they hate Trump, I just cut the thread and change the subject. Politics are not seductive.

5. Subdued Intelligence When Talking to Girls

Perhaps you’re a smarty pants like me. You can choose to use your intelligence to it’s maximum capacity, and spit lines from Shakespeare, Nietzsche, Buddha and Ayn Rand. This is a great way to screen out 96% of women outside of a University campus.

Fart Jokes or High Brow Intellectuality?

Most people don’t spend their days reading philosophical texts by dead geniuses; but rather gazing into Instagram and watching TMZ videos on Youtube.

A lot of highly intelligent men suck at bar game because they try too hard to talk themselves attractive. Or they think they need to talk differently to hot women. This is why I suggest watching lots of stand up comedy, and learn all the dick and fart jokes you can. But also work on your inner game, and make sure you feel attractive yourself. The way you say something is often more important than “what” you say.

There’s a time to be a smarty pants, like when you pick up girls at the library. Bar game is more about fun, energy, and good vibes than intellectual discussion.

6. Push-Pull Seduction

When it comes to being better at talking to women, The most under utilized seduction technique is also the most powerful. “We’re too much the same, we could never date. We’d just fight and bang, fight and bang, all day long.”

Teasing, or push-pull, is an art form. Most guys struggle with it because they think “Well she’s not responding to my conversation because my game sucks,” when usually it’s that you have nothing to work with because she’s not responding. Almost all teasing works as a response to her words, or actions.

For example, say a girl is being cute and clumsy. You’re walking and she trips and stumbles. You catch her and say, “Those little feet get caught in all the cracks eh?”

She sneezes and it’s a cute little “Achoo!” You laugh and say “You sneeze like a pug.”

You’re having a conversation and she say’s she’s studying business and economics. You go “Ahh finally found someone to do my taxes.”

Teasing is a subtle way of displaying dominance. She may be beautiful, but deep down she’s still a little girl looking for a daddy figure.

7. Practice Talking to Girls

Great public speakers, actors, comedians, politicians are master entertainers. They spend years honing their craft, their ability to spark emotion in their audiences. You as a seducer, are no different. Seduction is a skill you can develop with study and practice.

Knowing “what to say” to women isn’t a mystical gift given to a select few men. It’s a talent you can develop. It may takes months, or years to get good at, but if you take the time to develop it, the payoff is epic and life altering.

Good luck.