We’ve all heard that women hate nice guys. But is it true? And why? Is it because all women are cold-hearted? 

Women don’t necessarily “hate” nice guys, they just aren’t turned on romantically by them. 

I used to be a typical nice guy. I mean, if you got to know me, you would probably say: “Tony, he’s a really nice guy!” And most women would say that too. 

But I’m a different kind of nice. I’m a nice guy with boundaries, a life’s mission, and a rigorous set of personal standards for the type of people I allow in my life. And that’s how you should be too. 

Just because she has perky tits and a button nose, does not mean you should drop to your knees and submit to her every whim. That would make you a simp. 

Now, let’s get into the nice guy traits that women secretly hate. 

13 Reasons Hot Girls Hate Nice Guys

1. Inauthenticity

You know that feeling when someone’s being overly nice just to get something out of you? That whole fake politeness vibe? Yeah, it’s an icky feeling, like when your priest touches your knee in the confessional and says, “Come closer my son.” Ewwww. 

Being insincere or overly nice to impress girls often ends up feeling disingenuous and actually pushes them away. 

Think of it like that insincere politeness from a beggar when they want something – it just doesn’t sit right. It feels fake. 

Solution: Be real. Say what you really mean. State what you want. If someone farts, say “Did you fart?” If someone lies to you, call them out. This is especially true if she’s beautiful. Women are so used to men being “fake nice” around them. Your straightforwardness will be a relief. 

2. Passivity

It’s important to take the lead with women. Being too passive, hesitant, or not expressing yourself confidently comes across as weak or insecure.

Confidence and initiative attract more interest, especially from women who are looking for someone assertive (which every woman is). 

Solution: Take more action in your life. Make the decisions on where to go on dates, suggest what food to order, go on spontaneous adventures with her, like a road trip to the beach, the mountains, or a concert. If you’re trying to increase attraction, instead of waiting for her to make a move, touch her, tell her she’s sexy.

3. Neediness

Resorting to overly symbolic gestures instead of just being straightforward about feelings, can backfire. It gives off a vibe of desperation, which isn’t making any girl feel hot and bothered. 

For example, she doesn’t reply to your text so you send three more texts in the next hour. Or you argue, so you immediately buy her a dozen flowers rather than sticking to your guns, or giving everyone time to cool off. 

Neediness is attraction repellant for beautiful women. 

Solution: Develop a sense of abundance mentality. Learn how to approach women, or create a lifestyle that introduces you to more women. You won’t feel so attached to the outcome every time something goes wrong in your dating life. 

4. Lack of Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial with women. If you don’t make it clear what you’re okay with and what’s not cool in a relationship, things can get messy. It’s about respect and ensuring you’re not taken advantage of. 

If she’s consistently late, ignores your text messages, asks for special favours, or flirts with other men in front of you (before you’ve slept together), then you need to set stronger boundaries. You need to be a bit more of a No Man.

Solution: Quit being such a “Yes” man. Learn to say no. Speak what’s on your mind (calmly, rationally), rather than bottling it all up and acting like everything is okay. 

5. Expecting Rewards

Expecting something in return for favours, especially in relationships, is just lame. Sometimes it can make you seem more like a provider than someone genuinely attractive.

For example, you take a girl for an expensive dinner, and then you’re upset because she doesn’t want to make out, or ever see you again. Or you help her paint her house, and she doesn’t want to suck your dick for it. 

This is just weak sauce, beta male behaviour. 

Solution: Do nice things because you want to, not because you expect a reward in the form of attraction from her. I helped a girl move her house once, not because I wanted to sleep with her, but because I spent too much time on my laptop, and wanted a day of hard work. And I slept with her. 

6. Hiding Feelings

Being open and genuine about feelings tends to work out better in the long run. I’ve had some positive outcomes when I’ve been upfront about how I feel.

That doesn’t mean crying like a little bitch when she doesn’t text you back or turns down your offer to suck your weenie. 

Showing your vulnerability doesn’t mean being weak. It means being honest when honesty is beneficial for your relationship (even if it’s a new one). 

Solution: Just try to be more authentic and more vulnerable about how you really feel. If you don’t like her vegan cake, say so, if you don’t want to come over for a booty call at 3 am, say so. 

7. Not Mysterious Enough 

The very first big pickup coach called himself “Mystery” for a reason. 

Have you ever shared way too much about yourself upfront and felt like you killed the attraction?  Finding that balance between being open and maintaining some mystery is key. 

Solution: Don’t give her every piece of information about your life. Not at first. Make her work a little for it and she’ll become addicted to you.

8. Overly Agreeable

Being too agreeable and not speaking up about your opinions or desires will dull your attractiveness. It’s all about balance – being open to others but not at the expense of losing your own voice.

Controversy is often just an unpopular opinion. Look at a guy like Donald Trump. Love or hate him, he is a master of using disagreeableness. It led him to become the President of America. 

Solution: Try saying no for a change. If you like her, and she wants you to paint her fence, or drive her to the airport, and she hasn’t slept with you yet, it’s okay to say “Thanks, but no thanks.” 

9. Lack of Initiative

Having goals and being proactive in life is way more attractive than just coasting along without any ambition. Women are drawn to men who are actively pursuing their dreams. 

Nice guys tend to coast, providing other entrepreneurs with docile, or cheap labour. It’s okay to be an employee, but be the best employee. Be a problem solver, not a docile cow in the herd. 

Solution: Start your own business, host a party, join Toastmasters, write a novel, start a band. Do something that will help you grow, improve your life, and make you a more attractive man. 

10. Always Available

Being available all the time without personal boundaries just isn’t sexy. It means you lack independence and it seems needy. 

Some women want what they can’t have. Being unavailable makes your time more valuable. That doesn’t necessarily mean pretending to be busy, but actually be busy. 

Solution: Don’t be available 100% of the time for anyone. That doesn’t mean ignoring a girl if she’s inviting you over for home-cooked gnocchi and blowjobs. Get some hobbies that keep you occupied. Start epic projects and spend time on them. 

11. Putting Others First

Being considerate is great, but going overboard and sacrificing too much of yourself makes you seem desperate or not genuinely caring. 

Do things for people because it’s the right thing to do. But if you refuse to drive someone out of state, or move their apartment, it doesn’t mean they won’t still love you tomorrow. 

Solution: Don’t be a doormat. Make more time for yourself. Refuse that request to move someone’s apartment for pizza when you have a cold. Say no to overtime if it keeps you sane. Make yourself the #1 person in your life. 

12. Expecting Certain Outcomes

It’s better not to be too attached to specific outcomes in relationships or social situations. Getting too hung up on what you want (her validation) can come off as desperate, and that’s not sexy.

Just because you bought her a nice dinner and drinks, doesn’t mean you deserve her affection. And if she senses you expect a transaction, it can be a massive turn-off. 

Solution: Don’t shower women with gifts or freebies. Save it for special occasions, and only if you feel like it. And don’t expect anything in return. 

13. Passive-Aggressiveness

Nice guys won’t address issues directly because they fear conflict, or want to avoid hurting feelings. So instead of communicating directly, the nice guy uses a passive-aggressive approach. 

If he’s rejected by a girl, he may whisper under his breath “You’re not my type anyway it wouldn’t work out.” Or if he has a crush on a girl and she dates someone else, he will try to undermine their relationship by talking shit about him behind his back. Not cool. 

Solution: If you feel something strongly, say it calmly. If saying something won’t do anyone any good, let it go. Move on with your life and find other women to approach and date. If you feel the need to express your feelings, say it calmly, without emotion, and let the cards fall. 

Conclusion

Unfortunately, the nice guy really does finish last. 

That doesn’t mean you have to become a sociopathic narcissist, but you’d benefit from some deep introspection into what being this agreeable has done for your life. 

If you want to break this cycle of nice guy rejection, consider me as your personal coach. Just book a free 15-minute consultation and we can discuss coaching options. 

Tony Depp.

P.S. Here’s the companion video to this article.