A reader asked me: “Tony, how do I know when a girl wants me to touch her? I don’t want to come off as creepy or move too fast.” 

I get it, you want to touch your date, but you don’t want her to blow the rape whistle. 

The Girl I Wanted to Touch… But Didn’t 

When I was a teenager there was a super hottie living next door. She had giant jugs, and every time I talked to her, I would shit my pants, metaphorically. 

She was down to hang out, and I went to her place a few times a week. But I was too wimpy and inexperienced to make a move and try to touch, or kiss her. 

Finally, overpowered by my raging teen libido, I said: “Is it okay if I kiss you?” 

After a long pause, she replied. “No, I don’t think so.” 

Ouch! WTF? I thought I had this in the bag. Nope, she rejected me.

Note, that by this time I’d already spent twenty or thirty hours with her, and we hadn’t even touched yet. So I ran home crying and furiously masturbated to hentai. 

If I could turn back time…

When it comes to quickly seducing a woman, touch is your ultimate secret weapon. Touch is especially useful if you suck at talking, which most of you do. 

Touching a girl

Builds trust and comfort: 

Beyond just feeling nice, when someone you like touches you it releases oxytocin, otherwise known as the “love hormone” or “cuddle hormone.” 

It’s associated with trust, empathy, and relationship-building. It’s also released during orgasm. So, if you want her to love you, give her the big O and that oxytocin will do some of the work for you. 

Conveys confidence:

Personally, I find it strange if someone is afraid of touching. Are they insecure? Were they touched by their priest? 

Breaking the touch barrier earlier conveys confidence. It says you’re comfortable in your skin, and not afraid of connecting with other people physically. 

Communicates Emotion and Meaning:

Sometimes a firm handshake, a light touch on the hand, or a squeeze of the thigh says more than any words could. 

How far you can take the touch into the erogenous, sexual side, depends on the context of the situation. 

• If something is funny, you slap her on the knee (lightly)
• If something is awesome, give her a high-five
• If something is cute, pinch her cheek 

So how do you know when a girl wants you to touch her?  Let’s look at her conscious and unconscious signs that she wants you to be more physical. 

Signs She Wants You To Touch Her 

1. She maintains steady eye contact and smiles at you

Notice how no matter what you say, even if the topic is boring as hell, she stares longingly into your eyes with a stupid grin on her face? Her rapt attention is a sure sign she wants you to escalate. 

2. She leans in during the conversation, decreasing the physical distance

If she’s leaning towards you, then it’s probably okay to break the touch barrier. This is a sign of deep interest and comfort.

3. She mirrors your body language, indicating rapport and comfort

The Chameleon Effect is the unconscious imitation of another person’s gestures, behaviours, and expressions during social interaction. 

If you notice the girl mirroring your body language, perhaps the way you sit, hold your chin in your hand, cross your legs, or even how you laugh, this is a sign of attraction. 

4. She laughs at your stupid jokes and seems engaged in the conversation

When you make a joke that should not be funny, and she starts laughing, it’s her way of showing that she likes you. During one of these high points of her laughing is a great time to make a move and touch her. 

5. She touches you first 

Some women will be so excited by you, or just impatient, that they’ll start touching you first. If this is the case, you have a green light to go ahead and touch her back. 

6. She doesn’t pull away when you touch her 

I remember I was at this club and approached a hottie. I took her hand in mine and said “Wow you’re hands are so soft, what sort of moisturizer do you use?” This totally creeped her out so she pulled her hands away from mine. 

I’ve never said that stupid line again. If you touch a girl and she’s into it, she won’t move her body further away from you in horror. 

If you touch her and she doesn’t pull away, it’s a sign of compliance. It means she probably likes you.

7. She seems relaxed, with open body language 

If she wants you to touch her, she won’t seem tense, with her arms crossed, her legs crossed, her hands in her pocket, or her body turned away from you. 

Note, she may not be comfortable with you yet, but with some great conversations or shared experiences, like a walk in a park, or surviving a zombie apocalypse, this could change. 

8. She finds reasons to close the distance, like showing you something on her phone

She might move closer to show you some cat pictures, her new earrings or anything else. This is usually a sign that she’s comfortable breaking the touch barrier with you. 

9. She compliments you on your appearance or something you’ve done

Women don’t compliment men lightly. So if she’s complimenting you on your good looks, cool fashion, or achievement, reward her with a touch on the shoulder, or a one-arm hug. 

10. She doesn’t flinch or seem uncomfortable when you come into close, non-threatening proximity

If you show her something on your phone and move suddenly close, notice if she flinches or not. If she’s very comfortable with you, she’ll stay put, and even lean into you. 

11. She lingers when saying goodbye, as if hesitant to end the meeting

While I’m not a fan of waiting for the first kiss on the doorstep at goodbye, sometimes it’s inevitable. Notice if she’s hesitant to leave when you say goodbye. This could be your only chance to get that makeout. A lot of women won’t give you a second. 

12. She plays with her hair or adjusts her clothing, which can be signs of self-consciousness or preening

A woman shifting uncomfortably, adjusting her clothes, playing with her hair, and licking her lips are all signs she’s attracted to you. Even if she’s just fixing herself up to look better, you should interpret it that way anyways. 

13. She points her feet towards you, which can be a subconscious sign of interest.

If she’s into you, here body will be facing towards you, and not away. Notice where her feet are pointed. 

14. She shows an interest in your personal space, like glancing at your lips or hands

She may ask to see your watch, your necklace, or inquire about a tattoo. These are usually excuses to get closer and touch you. 

15. She responds positively to light and casual touches from you, such as a guiding hand on the back

When you touch her lightly on the back, the hand, or anywhere else, notice if she leans into you, smiles, or acts like she enjoys the touch. If she does seem to enjoy it, touch her more frequently. 

16. She doesn’t shy away from a gentle touch during a moment of laughter or emotional connection

Try touching her during high points, like when she’s laughing or enjoying your conversations. Notice if she flinches, or remains calm. 

17. She looks at you expectantly after making a joke or a flirtatious comment

I call it the “Deer in the headlight” or “Anime eyes.” She might make a witty comment or comeback to one of your teases, and her eyes will go a little wide, and a little mischievous. This is your time to make a move. 

18. She touches herself, like her neck or collarbone, which can be a sign of subliminal flirting

Sometime she will point out specific points on her body. She may mention a freckly, or how strong her thigh muscles are from dancing. If she points or touches herself in these spots, it’s usually an invitation to touch her. 

19. She seems to deliberately create opportunities for you to initiate light, respectful touch, like comparing hand sizes

If you’re walking together she may lightly bump into you. If she’s asking about the size of your hands, she might also be wondering about the size of your junk. 

20. She asks you to touch her

This is the most unlikely situation, but it does happen. If she straight up asks you to touch her, kiss, or bang her… do it. This is not a test! Some women don’t have time to waste. 

What happens if you ignore her signals? 

If a girl is into you she’ll give you green lights. When you fail to act on these green lights, she will figure you either don’t like her, you’re a coward, or homosexual. 

If she wants you to touch her, the signs may be very subtle.

My best advice is to start with light touches, and then pull back. See how she responds. 

• Does she lean into you, or move closer? 
• Does she seem comfortable? 
• Is she laughing and having fun, or asking you lots of personal questions? 

These are all signs that a girl wants you to touch her. 

1. She maintains steady eye contact and smiles at you
2. She leans in during the conversation, decreasing the physical distanc
3. She mirrors your body language, indicating rapport and comfort
4. She laughs at your stupid jokes and seems engaged in the conversation
5. She touches you first
6. She doesn’t pull away when you touch her
7. She seems relaxed, with open body language
8. She finds reasons to close the distance, like showing you something on her phone
9. She compliments you on your appearance or something you’ve done
10. She doesn’t flinch or seem uncomfortable when you come into close, non-threatening proximity
11. She lingers when saying goodbye, as if hesitant to end the meeting
12. She plays with her hair or adjusts her clothing, which can be signs of self-consciousness or preening
13. She points her feet towards you, which can be a subconscious sign of interest
14. She shows an interest in your personal space, like glancing at your lips or hands
15. She responds positively to light and casual touches from you, such as a guiding hand on the back
16. She doesn’t shy away from a gentle touch during a moment of laughter or emotional connection
17. She looks at you expectantly after making a joke or a flirtatious comment
18. She touches herself, like her neck or collarbone, which can be a sign of subliminal flirting
19. She seems to deliberately create opportunities for you to initiate light, respectful touch, like comparing hand sizes
20. She asks you to touch her

Let me know in the comments if you have any questions.

Tony Depp