What Are the Fundamentals for Being Good with Girls?
You hear this from dating coaches all the time, that if you want to be good with girls: “You have to master the fundamentals.”
But what do they mean by fundamentals?
Does it mean learning how to mix a dry martini, or put on a rubber with one hand? Yes, both of those are important skills, but not what I’m talking about today.
In this guide I’m going to share what I believe are the fundamentals for being good with women.
The Fundamentals for Being Good with Girls
If you want to become better with girls you’re going to need to meet lots of girls. It’s like any other skill and requires dedicated practice.
While some guys might do this with online dating sites like Tinder, this won’t develop that core confidence that women find hot in a guy.
That’s why I promote cold approach: the art of meeting women by walking up and spitting game.
Learning to cold approach forces you, as a man, to confront your fear of rejection, humiliation, and public judgement. By mastering cold approach you will (ideally) conquer these irrational fears, and become your ultimate version, at least socially.
It’s no easy feat. I’ve personally approached thousands of women and in the beginning it was hard as hell, but definitely worth it. I’ve been around the world teaching other men how to succeed with women, and I haven’t met a single man who, with the right focus, wasn’t able to turn around their sex life.
Now let’s look at the fundamentals for being great with women.
Mindset
Your mindset going into this adventure is crucial, because If you don’t believe it’s possible to attract hotter girls, it won’t be.
You can’t begin this journey wondering if it’s possible. You have to absolutely believe with 100% conviction that this stuff works, and it’s possible for you to find success.
When I started back in 2007 as a shy, panic attack stricken newbie, I put 100% faith in the process.
I’d read enough about these guys like Mystery, Style (Neil Strauss) and the other gurus from the now defunct fastseduction.com to know that it worked. It was just a matter of putting in my full effort. They said it was going to take years to master and I was prepared to give it that level of effort.
I have students who think after one month of effort they should be getting results. Hah! It took me 90 days and nights to pull my first girl. And then another 30 until the next. That’s 120 nights going out to cold approach to sleep with two girls.
But for me it wasn’t just about having sex, otherwise I’d just hire a prostitute. It was about having the ability to attract the women I preferred.
So I quit my job and moved to Montreal to focus a few years of effort solely on figuring this stuff out. I was all in. Most guys are barely willing to dip their toes in the water.
If you put one toe in the water you’re never going to figure become good with women. You need to fully commit a few years to the process. That means going out to practice the way you would learn any other skill. Do you learn to code, play guitar, or dance after a week, or a month of practice? Hell no. It takes years.
You must believe in yourself, the process, and the morality of it. And you need to put in the time and effort. There’s no shortcut or magic pill. If you think that the right pickup routine will save the day, you’re wrong.
To approach hundreds, or thousands of women, you need to believe that what you’re doing is totally normal. You can’t carry feelings that what you’re doing is wrong, weird or creepy. If you feel this, so will she.
Banish these useless thoughts from your mind. You’re now a guy who loves flirting with women, and you don’t care what anyone thinks about it. What you’re doing is right and a noble pursuit.
To hell with the haters. Let them stew in their envy when you’re hooking up with the hottest beauties that you worked your poor butt off to meet, attract, and seduce. It’s hard work being a man.
Style
If your idea of style is an old polo shirt, cargo shorts, and gym shoes, then you need an education in style.
I often advise men to wear collared shirts, pants that fit, and leather shoes. Then they say, “But I want to be comfortable.”
I reply, “When you see a sexy woman in high heels, a skirt, with her hair and makeup done, do you think she’s comfortable?”
Fashion isn’t supposed to be comfortable. It’s supposed to elevate your status as someone who cares about their appearance. If you dress like a sixteen year old boy, then you probably have a messy bedroom and sixteen year old lifestyle habits as well.
You don’t have to wear a collar, you could wear a leather jacket and skinny jeans, or a blazer with a graphic t-shirt and converse. The idea is to have a style that makes you stand out and fit into a niche. If you want your niche to be a bum with no fashion sense, dress like a bum. But you won’t find many women who are attracted to bums.
Most guys want to blend in, to belong. But a seducer knows his job is to grab attention, to stand out. Push your comfort zone, try new styles of clothing, wear what makes you uncomfortable.
If you’re fashion retarded, start reading men’s style blogs, Youtube channels, and ask women or gay men for help.
A good rule of thumb is if you’re not being complimented on your style, then you probably don’t have any.
Work Ethic
To become good with girls you’ll need to work at it.
Getting a great girlfriend shouldn’t be easy.
In that sense it’s no different than going to the gym, or learning to play guitar. The difference being women aren’t inanimate objects; they also have their own passions, hobbies, personalities, and dreams.
But to learn this skill you’ll have to approach and flirt with hundreds, even thousands of women. You need massive reference material. This process will take years of your life. So mentally commit to this process. It won’t come quickly, and that’s totally fine. It’s about the journey, not the destination.
Guys often ask me if they really need to talk to so many girls just to get laid. No… if you just want to get a date, or get laid, you can get lucky. But if you want to be “good with girls” it may mean rebuilding your entire personality and developing a new social confidence from the ground up.
That means working hard and dedicating the time and energy it takes to develop unconscious competence.
Nothing in this life comes easy, that includes developing charisma and finding great success with dating women.
Study and Practice
To be good with girls you need both study and practice.
A healthy balance is about 80% practice, 20% study. That way you’re not a keyboard warrior, over-studying and mentally masturbating in angry reddit threads.
If you approach one girl you’ll learn more than 100 hours of reading theory.
With that, there is some really great content to be found online covering the subject of how to be good with girls.
You have resources like my blog, books, Youtube, and online courses. Then you have methods like The Mystery Method, and loads of other coaching companies and gurus on Youtube, books on Amazon, podcasts, and even social media advice on Instagram, Facebook, and Tik Tok, to name a few.
Just make sure you spend more time talking to girls, and supplement it with your studies. Not the other way around.
Logistics
If you’re meeting lots of girls you’ll need a place to be alone with them. You need a place where she can feel comfortable being intimate with you.
While your parents may be cool with you banging girls in their house, she might not be. Life gets much easier when you have your own place in a central location that makes it easy to go out and practice your approaches.
The closer you are to where beautiful girls hang out, the easier it will be to motivate yourself. This could be a downtown core, near shopping districts, malls, university campuses, or a beach.
Anywhere that there’s a high density urban population should be perfect.
Many guys with the same goal of meeting girls team up and rent apartments or houses together. Some guys even rent empty lofts or shops just to hold parties.
Personally I travel most of the year and usually live near a beach, or areas with plenty of beautiful locals or tourists.
Lifestyle
Learning to be good with girls doesn’t just mean approaching them and getting laid. Personally, I see it as part of a holistic, life improvement regimen.
This means:
- Getting in shape
- Reading books, including self-help, spirituality, psychology, history, memoir, and even fiction
- Taking online courses (Like mine)
- Building a tribe, or social circle of like minded men
- A fulfilling career that pays for your lifestyle
- Spiritual practice (meditation)
- Hobbies and passions (other than video games)
If you have an interesting lifestyle, girls will be more inclined to become your regular girls, rather than flings or one night stands.
Conclusion:
In conclusion, mastering the fundamentals for being good with girls isn’t just about surface-level tactics or quick fixes—it’s about deep, personal development.
This journey involves confronting your fears, building a resilient mindset, refining your style, and cultivating a strong work ethic. Equally important is finding the right balance between practice and study, ensuring that you spend more time engaging with women in real-life situations while supplementing your experiences with quality learning resources.
Being good with girls also means creating a lifestyle that naturally attracts women—not just for short-term success but for meaningful, lasting connections.
If you’re truly committed to this path, remember that it’s a marathon, not a sprint. The more you invest in yourself—whether through cold approaches, self-improvement, or building a fulfilling life—the more you’ll see results in your interactions with women.
Stay dedicated, keep evolving, and embrace the process. In time, you’ll find that the confidence, charisma, and success with women you’ve been seeking are not just possible, but inevitable.
