Understanding How Women Text Men
Fun fact: This website used to be #1 on Google for two very relevant search terms:
At one point, I had over 700 men a day finding my website due to these searches. Think about that, 700 guys a day, wondering what to text a girl that leaves them on “read.”
This is unfortunate for me, because although texting is the most searched for term in this niche, it’s my least favorite one to talk about. I find it incredibly tiresome and boring.
But still, I’m here to help you understand why girls text the way they do.
I Suck at Texting Girls
Every single student I’ve ever had says the same thing:
“Tony, I suck at texting girls.”
Yeah, join the club.
By now shouldn’t there be a comprehensive course or guide on exactly how and what to text girls? Sure; there are many.
However, while many coaches have attempted to create a repeatable system, none of them are comprehensive because they fail to address this:
Every texting situation is unique, and should be dealt with on a case by case basis.
So generally if you’re messaging a girl, either on a dating app, social media, or through SMS, you must look at every single line as an individual case.
Any coach who tells you they have a fool proof, 100% guaranteed texting method, is full of it.
That’s why every single client is constantly sending me Whatsapp messages, with screenshots of their text messages, asking me to review or approve every single message. And no matter how much advice I give them, they’re never 100% it’s the right reply.
That’s because it’s not. There is no 100% right reply.
Every girl’s texts are an individual, unique, case by case basis. It really depends on their ego, and how they interpret your message. If she’s crazy, she will read crazy. If she’s cool, she will read cool.
Conversations are not linear algorithms that you can hack with a system. However, brilliant marketers have convinced millions of men the opposite.
A fool and his money…
But if you want some newbie guidelines, here they are.
The Creep Zone, The Texting Guy Zone and The Hot Guy Zone
In her mind, a girl you’re texting will slot you into one of three zones.
- The Hot Guy Zone
- The Texting Guy Zone
- The Creep Zone
The hot guy zone is ideal. It means you’re likely to meet up with her, have crazy sex, and make her your girl.
The texting guy zone means you’re fun to text with. It’s a good distraction for her and slightly less entertaining that Tik Tok.
The creepy guy zone means you said something “weird” and you get blocked forever.
With texting, it’s incredibly easy to go from hot, to texting, to creepy. All it takes is for one witty joke or tease to be misinterpreted.
Why Girls Misinterpret Texts
Young, beautiful girls are in super high demand. The world is their romantic oyster. Literally every single man she meets wants to fuck her.
She can’t (won’t) sleep with every guy that hits on her. So she needs some way to weed out the suitors. This is why from the moment you meet her, through texting right to the first date, she’s looking for some reason to “next” you.
Her fearful feminine nature is on high alert, scanning your messages for something to consider “weird.” That way she can next you, and move on to another option, and repeat the process.
The Game of “Nexting” Guys
This whole game of texting and nexting guys is incredibly fun and validating for girls. “Who will get to fuck me!?” It’s like a game show, and she’s the star who’s guaranteed to win. You’re just another dick in a long line of them.
In the texting phase, she can’t read your body language, hear your vocal tonality, admire your handsome jawline, or pick up on sarcasm. So anything you type can be misinterpreted by her ego as “weird.”
That’s why I advise newbies not to try to be witty, funny, or tease her at all. At least, not unless you know she’s super comfortable with you already. In that case, you can say anything you want. But if she’s a maybe girl, you better play it safe.
If she gave you her number in the first place, she either found you nice, interesting, or even hot.
If she thought you were hot, you can easily slip down into texting guy, or even creep.
That’s why it’s better to play it safe, and just hold normal conversations that push for meetups.
The Hot Guy
Because it’s difficult for girls to pick a winner in the game show for her pussy, it’s way easier to just pick a guy that other girls have already chosen.
So if you met her through friends, coworkers, or you’re a popular dj, then you can get away with texting witty, sarcastic, or even strange texts. She’ll still think you’re hot, as long as other girls think you’re hot, or her guy friends think you’re cool.
But if she’s just a random street or bar approach, or even worse a Tinder match, and you have zero social proof, she might just think you’re hot. It’s better than nothing.
The Texting Guy
If you really love texting you should look now to see if you’ve grown a vagina.
By sending her six hours of text messages, you’re very likely to get stuck in the texting guy zone.
She’ll go deep with you, and tell you all of her dreams, ambitions, and fears. She’ll talk about her last trip to the south of France, her relationship with her father, her dreams of becoming a social media influencer and living in Bali.
But the moment you ask her for coffee, she’ll leave you read.
Congrats, you’ve been downgraded to the texting guy. Hey, you’re slightly more fun to waste time with than Netflix. You’ve been nexted and you don’t even know it.
The Creepy Guy
If you’re in the texting guy zone, and you keep asking her out, and she keeps ignoring your requests or saying no, then you’re on a fast track to the creepy guy zone.
All you need to do is make one witty comment that her fearful ego can misinterpret as “weird” and you’re done.
She’s just looking for an excuse to next you, because there’s just not enough time to chat with all these men that want to bang her.
Of course, she’s not consciously aware that she’s doing this. It’s all autopilot.
So you make a joke about swimming with dolphins, and her lizard brain says “See, I knew he was weird!”
My General Rules for Newbie Texters.
Don’t try to be witty or funny. Not unless you have a lot of social proof, or she thinks you’re really hot.
I’m a professional writer. I can write aphorisms, jokes, puns, metaphors that will make you laugh or cry until you shit your pants. Even at my stage, I’ll rarely try to be funny unless I already spent many hours IRL with the girl, and she knows my personality.
Remember, she’s unconsciously scanning your texts for something “weird” so she can drop you to texting guy, or creep, and move onto the next Chad.
A girl who takes more than 4 hours to respond isn’t really into you
If she’s not responding promptly, she’s not into you. I’ll give girls one time to take a day to respond. Then I’ll ask them “Hey are we going to talk or no?”
Usually this statement will either put you in the creep zone, or get her talking again. It is very direct, and completely skips the texting guy zone.
I wouldn’t say it’s good “game.” I’m just busy, and don’t give a damn anymore. I’m too old to be some girl’s texting buddy.
You Can’t Text Yourself Attractive
If she wasn’t into your pictures, or into you when she met you in real life, no amount of witty or funny texting will convince her to meet you.
She will still happily text with you for an entire month, but she will never meet you.
There’s no perfect text. Don’t even bother searching for it.
The Only Purpose for Texting a Girl You Like
Texting isn’t for building comfort, attraction or rapport. Texting is for one thing only:
To secure a meetup IRL.
You’re a man, and as a man you should be busy. That means you’re out there in the world making shit happen. You aren’t a girl, and you don’t have time to be texting and making idle chit-chat all day.
If you met her through an app, your goal should be to get her off the app, onto a more personal messenger like SMS or Whatsapp, and then quickly secure a meet IRL. This should take more than ten to fifteen lines of dialogue.
Anything more than that, and you’re basically a girl.
If She Ghosts You
Some coaches claim to have the ultimate ghost reversal texts. Like sending a picture of a dinosaur meme. In my experience, if a girl ghosts she just isn’t interested enough to bother.
Ghosts mean she doesn’t see you as a valuable man, and you aren’t worthy of something as respectful as a prompt reply.
Most ghosts happen when you ask for the IRL meetup. Since women are conflict averse, she’s far more likely to just not reply than actually deny your request, or outright reject you.
If she ghosts you, don’t waste anymore time with her. Move on, meet more women.
If She Flakes on The Meet
If you schedule a date and she doesn’t even show up, or cancels last minute, it is very disrespectful. She should at least give you an alternate date or time to meet up.
You can ask her, “When is a better time/date?” But 9 times out of 10, she’s just a time waster, and you’re in texting guy zone.
Conclusion
Use texting to meet girls IRL. This should happen within ten to fifteen lines of dialogue
Don’t try to text yourself attractive
You’ve been slotted as either a hot guy, texting guy, or creep.
Ghosts and flakes means she doesn’t respect you. Go meet more girls.
Until next time.
Tony Depp
