How to Tell When a Girl is Uncomfortable With You – 25 Signs

Sometimes it’s difficult to tell when a girl is uncomfortable with you. Especially when the common advice for picking up girls is, “fake it till you make it,” or “always assume your value.” 

If you’re not too experienced how can you tell if she’s comfortable or uncomfortable with you? And another question: does it even matter? 

There is a significant degree of self-confidence required to cold approach and attract women. You could even say it requires selfishness, bordering on delusions of grandeur. 

Let’s look at what men do that make women they’re attracted to uncomfortable. 

Sexy Men Make Women Uncomfortable

Many of the most famous womanizers throughout history, although romanticized, were in their times seen as selfish, arrogant, and narcissistic manipulators. Yet, they are some of the most effective seducers of all time. These guys had serious rizz.

Casanova’s success with women was not merely a result of his charisma; it was also due to his skillful manipulation. He had an exceptional ability to understand women’s desires and insecurities, using this insight to craft his seduction techniques. This often involved flattery, deception, and the creation of elaborate stories to win over his targets.

He was a master at creating a sense of adventure and excitement around his encounters, which made him irresistible to many women. However, his manipulation often left them vulnerable and exploited, highlighting the darker side of his character. Casanova’s ability to manipulate situations to his advantage was not limited to his romantic pursuits; he applied the same tactics in various aspects of his life, including gambling and politics.

That said, Casanova had an unrivalled ability to make people, especially beautiful high-born women, feel extremely comfortable around him. 

The Thai Massage Lady Who Made Me Very Uncomfortable

I’m currently travelling in Thailand, and the beach town I live in has a lot of massage parlours. Most of these parlours are normal, family-friendly affairs. But some of them are naughty and they offer blowjobs and happy-ending massages. 

I’m not against the odd rub-and-tug, but most of these women are grandmothers, not the hot, young, voluptuous women you’d pay good money to spend time with. Personally, I prefer meeting normal girls, not prostitutes. They gross me out. 

So I pass by this massage parlour every day and the woman outside always yells, “Massaaaage!” at me. So finally I said, okay let’s have a massage. She takes me into the massage room, promptly squeezes my rump and says, “You sexy man!” 

“Uhh, thank you.” My tone was more of a defeated “oh fuck here we go again” rather than a, “Thank you” of upbeat joy. Anyone with some social intelligence would have figured this out, but she’s a saleswoman and just wanted to squeeze as many baht out of my dick as possible. 

I showed her the spot on my back that hurt, and she poked my junk and said, “This hurt too?” 

“No, I just want a massage,” I said, slightly embarrassed. 

Then she proceeded to give me a terrible massage. She was light when she should be strong, and strong when she should be light. Her hands moved up my thighs, against my balls, and into my buttcrack. I wiggled a bit and coughed because I was not at all interested in anything sexual from this old lady. 

Then she flipped me over, got on top of me and began to beg me to let her give me a blowjob for $20. “No, I don’t want!” I said, now visibly annoyed. She continued to plead with me until I felt like getting up to leave, then she pushed me down, went over my arms and back with a shitty, rushed massage, and ushered me out. 

I gave about fifteen signals, verbally, and non-verbally that I was uncomfortable, and she chose not to register them. 

I feel that this is what many women feel when clueless men try to escalate like thirsty amateurs on them. 

Signs She’s Uncomfortable With You

There are many signs to tell when a girl is uncomfortable with you. These are body language, verbal, behavioural, social and gut feeling. 

Further reading: How to tell when a girl is comfortable with you.

Body Language Cues

1. Crossed Arms: This is a common sign of defensiveness or discomfort. If she crosses her arms tightly across her chest, she might be trying to create a barrier.
2. Leaning Away: If she’s leaning back or away from you, it may indicate she wants to create distance.
3. Avoiding Eye Contact: Avoiding eye contact can signal discomfort, as she may not feel at ease making a connection.
4. Fidgeting: If she’s playing with her hair, jewelry, or clothing, it might be a sign of nervousness or unease.
5. Tense Body Posture: Notice if she appears tense or rigid, rather than relaxed and open.
6. Clenched Jaw or Tightened Lips: This can indicate stress or discomfort.
7. Foot Pointing Away: Feet pointing toward an exit or away from you might signal she wants to leave or distance herself.

Verbal Cues

1. Short Responses: If she gives brief, non-committal answers, it might indicate a lack of interest in the conversation or discomfort.
2. Nervous Laughing: Laughing that seems forced or out of place can be a sign of nervousness.
3. Changes in Tone or Volume: A higher-pitched voice or changes in volume might indicate unease.
4. Lack of Engagement: If she’s not asking questions or showing interest in the conversation, she may be uncomfortable.

Behavioral Signs

1. Checking the Time or Phone: Frequently checking her phone or watch might indicate she’s eager to leave or is distracted.
2. Creating Physical Distance: If she steps back or moves away from you, she might be trying to create space.
3. Sudden Change in Mood: A sudden shift from relaxed to tense or anxious can be a sign of discomfort.
4. Avoiding Touch: If she pulls away from any attempt at physical contact, it’s a clear sign of discomfort.
5. Looking for an Exit: If she’s looking around the room, she might be searching for an escape route.

Social Cues

1. Bringing Others into the Conversation: She might involve others in your conversation to alleviate discomfort or create a buffer.
2. Making Excuses to Leave: Saying she needs to go to the restroom or has to be somewhere else might be a way to exit the situation.
3. Not Laughing at Jokes: If she’s not responding to humor or seems serious, it might indicate she’s not comfortable.
4. Deflecting Personal Questions: If she avoids answering personal questions, it may be a sign she’s not comfortable sharing.

Gut Feeling

1. Trust Your Instincts: Sometimes you can sense when someone is uncomfortable, even if you can’t pinpoint exactly why. However I’ve found most newbies project their own insecurity so I advise you to always think positive, and hang in there. 

What to Do If You Notice These Signs

1. Respect Her Space: If you notice signs of discomfort, give her space and don’t push for closeness or personal questions.
2. Check In: You can simply ask if she’s comfortable and let her know it’s okay if she wants to leave or change the topic.
3. Apologize if Needed: If you think something you said or did made her uncomfortable, apologize. This doesn’t make you appear weak, or beta, unless you’ve misread the situation. So, apologize only if you’re sure you screwed up. 
4. Be Mindful: Pay attention to her cues and adjust your behaviour accordingly to make her feel more at ease.

Feeling Uncomfortable Is Not Always a Bad Thing

Have you ever been so attracted to a girl that your balls ached? We call this blue balls. It’s an extremely uncomfortable feeling tied directly to our level of sexual attraction to a girl. 

This is due to the buildup of unreleased semen. Women obviously do not have semen to dispose of, but they feel a similar though more subtle, uncomfortable feeling when they are severely aroused. 

This is why some women may say “We’re not having sex tonight” and then proceed to pounce on you. What they logically say, and emotionally feel are not cooperating. 

In this sense her being uncomfortable around you isn’t a bad thing. She may fear her desires, and for her personal reasons display signs that she’s not comfortable. It doesn’t mean she isn’t into you. But the distinction may be hard for the inexperienced to decipher. 

Projection of Insecurity

The reason men are taught to, “fake it till you make it,” and “always assume your value,” is because we’re often coming into dating from a place of romantic scarcity. 

Women are attracted to a straightforward set of personality traits: 

Extroversion 

Being social and taking opportunities to introduce yourself and interact with strangers. 

Positivity

A sense of optimism that infects and inspires those around you. 

Aggression 

Moving towards what you want, overcoming obstacles and relentless belief in your worth and capabilities. 

Individuality and Uniqueness

You’re more of a sovereign individual rather than someone who follows the collective. You make your own decisions and aren’t easily swayed by public opinion. 

Leader of Men 

Other men and women look to you for guidance. You have high-quality friends and women find you attractive. 

Conclusion

If you embody the traits of a sexually attractive man, very few women will feel uncomfortable around you. Actually, many will want to have passionate sex with you.

In my humble opinion, most guys think they’re psychic and can read women’s minds. Most guys are way too nice and see women and their sexuality through this lens.

Even though she looks slightly uncomfortable doesn’t mean she isn’t attracted to you. In a pinch, you can always just ask her: “Do I make you uncomfortable?” 

In the meantime, assume attraction.