How To Stop Being Jealous

Jealousy is a useless emotion. It only serves to feed the pain.

When I was in my early twenties, before I was a Vancouver dating coach, or even a man, I was seeing a really cool girl I met through my social circle. She was fun and bubbly and affectionate and super curvy. You could bounce dimes off her butt cheeks. I really liked her. I would go to her apartment about three times a week to watch movies, drink wine, and make the sex. Hooray! Life was good. I had a monogamous girlfriend and she loved me!

At least, I thought I/she did. We never actually discussed this arrangement. Back in those days all communication was left to vague ambiguities and blind assumption. I figured, “Since I put my dick in you—you are mine.” But it was more like, “Mine? Please?”  Considering she was the first woman I’d had in over a year, I better hold on tight, to let her know how much I liked her. Yuck.

One day she picked me up in her little Chevrolet. The passenger seat was pushed waay back. My feet couldn’t even reach the front. Whoever was sitting here had really long legs—likely a tall man. Maybe she fucked him on that seat. I imagined her legs on the dashboard and some handsome rockstar banging my girl and smoking cheap cigars. I immediately accused her, “Who’s the big guy?” I said, feeling clever.

She just scowled dismissively. That was the beginning. I no longer trusted her. She was a betrayer! I’d have to search her apartment for clues when she went to work, because she was my girlfriend and I needed reassurance of her loyalty. What a chump. All I needed to do was discuss whether we were polyamorous, casual, or monogamous. But I was a kid and totally clueless, living in scarcity.

And of course, two weeks later she dumped me–rightfully so. I was weak, needy, jealous, possessive, uncommunicative, and bad in bed. I still had my good points, but definitely not boyfriend material.

I would never expect a quality woman to assume monogamy. Back then, I didn’t understand that women have options. Not always good ones, but there is plenty of dick available. It’s coming at them from all angles: Work, friends, waiters, circus clowns….everywhere. Sex isn’t the issue. They want a real Man.

Abundance Mentality means you are never lacking.

Imagine you have a cherry, just one delicious cherry. It’s so ripe and precious and sweet. Then along comes a charming beggar and pleads for your cherry. Being abundant, you understand all you need to do is go to the cherry tree and pick a handful. There are plenty for all. But not for the needy. For the beggar is malnourished and can’t stand straight enough, and is too weak to climb. For him the fruit is forever out of reach simply because he hasn’t eaten enough cherries. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

I spent far too long being the needy beggar.

Never assume monogamy or sole possession over a woman.

She’s not yours. She’s just another woman with her own charms. Unless you live in an arctic village, there are plenty more.

When you assume abundance the universe rewards you with abundance. Seduce the universe. If you see your life as sparse and lacking, you will be deprived.

Seduction doesn’t mean taking what’s not yours, even if you’re trying to pick up a party girl at a club. Give. Don’t take. Pick up and seduction are as much about your mindset as about approaching and attracting women.

Jealousy is pathetic.

Envy is almost worse.

I was out with some friends at a local club. My friend is pretty tight with the girls. I suppose he’s a pickup artist. He approaches the one he wanted the most, and professes his lust for her. She ends up leaving with him. For a brief moment I felt envious, less….

And then I snapped out of it. That’s the old me. That’s the wounded little boy.

Look at our hockey team, the Vancouver Canucks. They’re in an epic battle for the Stanley Cup. They made it this far and are only three games away from success or failure. It must be very, very stressful.

Then look at our fans. When they win, they dance in the streets and party until dawn. When they lose, they cry, fight, and mill about sadly. They are so quick to forget every single game we won to make it this far. It’s like we’re designed to embrace the negative. No wonder we have world wars.

It’s the same in dating. So some girl doesn’t get you, or care to go home with you or whatever. You see your friend, or another guy get lucky. Do you pout, get angry or jealous?

No. Feel good for that guy. He’s having his time. You’ve had yours and you will again. Next time will be yours. Next time will be hers.

Remember, you are a gift to that woman.

You will make her life better. She isn’t a precious gem you won in battle. You are worth just as much as she is. She grows from your company too.

The next time you feel jealous, envious, lacking, needy…dismiss those thoughts.

Say, “Thanks for your input. Now piss off.” You must choose not to hold on to that nonsense. The best way to deal with those thoughts is to not think about them. No thought. Just be.

Go out. Meet more girls. Get more phone numbers and dates.

Be Abundant.