Being Seen and Heard Gets Girls

There’s a street festival going off here in Vancouver.

I was watching this band, and I like their riffs, but don’t care for the vocals. To me he just sounded nasally, and his notes only follow the exact notes of the band, sort of like Rush. I’m not into Rush, but I dig Geddy Lee’s bass playing.

What interested me was the growing number of women gathering around the stage, shaking their hips, pursing their moistened lips. Women absolutely love men who make themselves seen and heard. They don’t care if the singing sucks, or if the guitar is out of tune. They just appreciate a guy with the balls to put himself on stage, to share his talent, and spit his poetry at the judging masses.

I’ve said this many times, but social proof is the absolute, most powerful tool in the seducers arsenal. Why? Because men who are seen and heard have influence. Deep down in her reptile brain, a woman knows that a man of influence has a higher chance of protecting, and providing for her children. If she aligns with a “cool” guy, then she automatically raises her own social status. Higher social status mean more fun, more opportunity, and more safety.

If all these other women are into this guy, it must mean he’s attractive.

It isn’t just musicians who get love from the ladies. Anyone who has a platform, from politicians, to Indian Gurus, to Serial Killers, have groupies (danger also attracts women). Whether your talent is teaching people how to increase their metabolism, or cut people into tiny pieces and eat them, many women are hopelessly attracted to men of influence, for better or worse.

Even at my pickup seminars, I’ve had women attend and go home with the speakers. Imagine that…a room full of men listening to strategies for seducing women, and the girls are attracted to the teacher, while the male audience members are all there because they’re single–and the women still go for the teacher–because he has the podium.

I took a guy out to a bar a few weeks ago. I watched him meekly approach women, sliding into the interactions sideways, squeaking out his openers. He was trying to be Batman, dropping in camouflaged from the ceiling to pull a lady to his bat cave. “Come here,” I said, and took him to an elevated part of the bar where everyone in the room could see him. “Put your hands out, like this, over your head. Take up as much space as possible. I want everybody to see you. I want every person in this bar to know you exist. Now let out a ‘Woot!’”

“Really?” he said, looking concerned.

“Yeah.”

I finally got him to yell “Woot!” A few people looked at him. So I had him do it again, and I did too.

“Now look,” I said. “See all those girls looking up at us?”

“Yes.”

“Now we exist. Now you think those girls who see us, who have heard us, know we exist?”

“Yes.”

“Well they noticed us, but so did many other women. And the women noticed that other women noticed us too. You aren’t going to pickup any girls by walking around in the shadows, jumping out to secretly seduce one. That can work too, but it’s an uphill battle.”

“Okay.”

Whenever you work a room, make sure everyone knows you exist.

Find any excuse to be the guy on stage, to be the guy they see and hear. When you go to open it makes life a lot easier if they already recognize you, at least.

My social media was, before I deleted most of it, full of women I’d met in bars, at parties, on the streets in foreign countries, who’d flaked on dates, or just stopped replying to my messages. Then one day a reporter from The Vancouver Province called me, and asked for an interview. I said sure, and after the interview they sent a reporter to take a picture. The next day I was on the front cover of the newspaper.

Immediately following publication, my inboxes exploded with all these women who’d ignored me. “Hey Tony, how are you? I saw you in the newspaper. That’s so cool. You wrote a book? Want to get a coffee some time?”

I’m not hating on women for this seemingly shallow behaviour. I mean, would I hate on birds for liking berries? Cats for chasing string?

The moral of this story is being the invisible seducer doesn’t work. You can learn cold approach and have amazing results, yes, but it’s a hell of a lot of work. You can learn basic female psychology, human psychology, and change your behaviour to be more attractive to women. You can chase them down on the streets, in the bars, at the parties, yes. But if you want a literal smorgasbord of choice in dating, then take every opportunity to be both seen and heard, by as many people as possible.

Be a Promoter of Your Brand

This is why guys like my coach in Toronto, who works as a club promoter, despite being a hobbit in stature, is never, ever single. Anyone who wants to get into the cool nightclubs, knows he’s the guy. He has like ten thousand Instagram followers. Every weekend he walks into the bar with dozens of women following him. He told me this, “Tony, cold approach is too much work. I don’t cold approach anymore. The girls do it for me. I just ask them to ‘Go meet those girls and introduce me,’ and they do. Women fight over me now.”

Everybody in that scene knows my friend.

The beauty of creating is not just the bottomless pit of poonani, but that you can also change your society. You can inspire, educate, or entertain. I mean, please don’t go all Unabomber on me, or shoot up a school because you can’t get laid. But ask yourself, when’s the last time you spoke in public? Performed for a crowd, or released a work of art? At the very least, you could host a dinner party.

For me, seduction isn’t just about getting laid. It’s about improving, creating and living the sort of life you could write a novel about. Instead of merely being a passive observer, a consumer, why not be a creator? Write a book, start a Youtube, build a small business and share what you’ve learned.

Inspire others, and the side effect will be more love from women than you know what to do with.

Many years ago I ran into an old highschool acquaintance. He became the most famous slam poet in North America. I asked him about his experiences with women.

“I drink,” he said.

“You don’t need to drink for confidence,” I told him.

“No,” he replied, grinning. “I drink to keep them away.”

Fame has it’s own problems. So on that note, be careful with your ambitions.

Not every man desires power, status and fame. Some of us just want a hot girlfriend, or a solid source of income. That’s fine too. I’m just saying that cold approach isn’t the only option for finding more dates.

***I’m heading to Toronto, Montreal, and possibly New York City for the month of August and September 2018. Contact me if you’re interested in live, infield, daygame coaching.***