Bad Boys and Providers

It’s funny. I’m more interested in working on my business, writing and coaching, than doing normal, social activities. Often, even on a sunny day when most people are out and about lounging around the beach, riding bikes, playing golf or sipping beer on patios—I’m here in a dark coffee shop slamming away at my keyboard in existential fervour.

And it’s good. I have purpose. I see the results of my labour. However, I have recently turned down opportunities to hang out with cool girls simply because I would rather work on making money. Yes…I sometimes flake on hot women. I understand now that in order to keep love in my life, I need to be constantly working to improve myself on all levels. Not just picking up chicks five days a week. I did that already. Plus, flaking on women short circuits their wiring and makes them chase you a little bit, “Why would a guy turn down a shot at me?” (I’ve been flaked on so many times I don’t put much relevance on the phenomenon.)

I’m far from workaholic. There needs to be time for recreation and fun. When I’m in full dating mode it doesn’t take me long to build up a list of potential girls. I spent five years working on my game so that I would have the confidence to date these women. And now that I’m here, I work so much I hardly have time to spend with them. And it’s great! Sometimes.

Most of my clients fall into two categories.  The ones that desire sexual experience, or multiple relationships–and the ones that desire deep monogamous relationships. Then again, most people have no clue what they want and fall blindly into the pit of indecisiveness.

There’s nothing wrong with desiring many women. Certain lonely-sad beta types may judge you as creepy, or “not nice” and all that—but really, all men are wired for desire. We are programmed to spread our seed far and wide. So dating many women isn’t a crime as long as you do so with the best of etiquette. Although, this can be tricky once feelings of jealousy and ownership come into play. Both parties count here.

Then there are the guys that collect “notches.” I’m not one to judge. I’ve got quite a few. Not a day goes by that I see a beautiful woman and don’t consider approaching her. And I usually do in the name of science. I consider it research. However seeking out numerous partners for personal validation is ultimately a long path to emotional-intellectual failure. After a while one warm curvy body is as good as another. Girls are worth more than a quick bj in the stairwell of a bar (Even though that can be rad.)

Honestly. I’m still coming to grips with being a hot guy. It really interests me how attractive women deal with their hotness and the availability of multiple sexual candidates. Some grow cold and distant, and some blossom into motherly love flowers. But these sexually confident, intelligent women are the smoothest of players. They will charm you to the height of bliss and then rip it away by not replying to a text message, leaving you an insecure quivering fool.

Back to men. So we’ve got the terminally monogamous guy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting one girl. On top of sex on tap (For the first two years anyway) you get emotional stimulation. You get a best friend and confidant, an advisor at arms that will support you in battle. She will mend your wounds and help guide your masculine energy. Who doesn’t want that? Well…lots of people don’t want that. They close themselves off from all feeling in order to be outcome independent. They embrace the bad boy mentality of the “I don’t give a shit” creed. And this does help get you girls but most guys aren’t bad boys. They’re nice. Too nice.

It’s usually the too nice guys that desperately desire monogamous relationships. They get lucky and meet a nice girl that sees provider potential and after several months of expensive dinners and awkward kiss attempts she finally spreads her legs. He pumps into her twelve or fourteen times and that’s that. He’s in love. Kids and marriage are next.

The woman stays loyal to him for several years before meeting a player bad-boy that will fulfill her need for taboo drama and good sex and she’ll bang him on the side while spending her nice guy’s money on renovating the living room.

Anyway this is all fantasy. This myth of the nice guy vs bad boy is a complicated subject. But the point is…I don’t know. Maybe you should just stop thinking about women so much and go to the gym, or read a few more novels, or work on your entrepreneurship. I still haven’t figured out this badboy/niceguy thing yet. It may take a few more years of research.

Bad boy behaviour gets women attracted quickly. Nice guy provider potential lands you longer term, higher investment relationships. But there is always a yin and yang factor. So explore both sides of your reality because you can re-invent yourself every minute of any day. That’s the fun of being human.