I decide to finally approach a cute girl in the cafe, but the moment she notices me she waves to the manager. Everyone in the coffee shop gawks at me as the manager approaches. “What seems to be the problem?” he asks her. “This man was going to assault me. He looks like a pedophile…
“But Tony, I just don’t know how to create attraction.” I hear this almost as much as “I don’t know what to say.” I wish I could wave my wand like Gandalf and slay this great Balrog. Unfortunately, I’m a human. I used to do coke every second weekend and I should still be in…
A friend and student of mine is a military air traffic controller. He said to me, “Tony, you would make a great air traffic control instructor. This whole learning process is the same as my job’s.” I agree with him. I’m pretty much awesome at everything I do. To master their present thoughts and emotions,…
“Dear Tony. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t find a woman that will spread her legs and take my seed. You see, the problem is, I’m ugly. I’m balding, short, fat and ugly I’ve come to realize that either you are born gifted, or you’re screwed and no woman will want you…ever….
I’m currently in a battle for the impressionable young minds of my little brothers. One is 15, the other is 18. The fifteen year old is obese. He’s also incredibly talented as an artist, except that he never practices. He’s finally going to the gym though, which is good. We were hanging out the other…