Vancouver Pua Coach Stories: The Holy Spirit of Seduction

I’m walking with a student and spot a cute blonde on the street. She’s wearing a funny toque. I free associate and create an opener.

“Hey,” I yell as she passes us. She stops. “That’s a cute toque. Did your Grandma make it for you?”

She pauses for a few seconds, “Did you just insult my hat?”

“No.”

“Oh. Haha. No…I bought it at American Eagle.”

I cut the thread because shopping is very surface and boring. “So what do you do in Vancouver?”

“Oh, I’m an accountant.” She says.

“So would you say you’re a very analytical, logical type? Because to me you seem very intuitive and internally motivated.” (Cold reading.)

She just looks at me, and I wonder if that sentence made any sense, but I hold my ground. That’s when it gets funny.

“Well, actually I’m a very spiritual person. I never used to be spiritual…I was actually a total atheist, and I know most people are atheists and don’t believe in anything, but one day it just hit me that there is something greater than who we are, who I am. I started having these dreams of blinding light and just like, swirling energy you know? So I Googled every god, like Buddha, Allah, and all that and I printed this super long list and then it hit me like a flash when I saw the Christian god. I mean, I never used to believe in anything and…..”

She goes on for at least five minutes and we just stand there while she explains how she was born again and is just coming from bible study with a dozen other hot blonde women. I cry on the inside.

“…and we don’t sin anymore, well I mean, maybe small sins. But we can deal with that easy.” (Giggity!)

“Like getting drunk and giving strange guys handjobs in the back of sticky floored bars?” I say.

“Oh no…No I can’t do that anymore.” (Anymore?)

“So…no sex before marriage?” I look sort of sad.

“Well…no I can’t do that now. That would be a sin. Oh…you must want to go now. I see.”

Then it dawned on me. I could probably bang this girl. She reminded me of the red head from American Pie that was like, “This one time, in band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy!” So I got my phone out and had her add me on Facebook.

I do this all in the name of science (God?) so that men (and women) like you will have a deeper understanding of the human condition.