Why Men Lack Motivation To Approach Girls and Learn Game
One of the biggest issues most guys have is finding the motivation to go out and approach women.
Many say they want to learn pickup but lack willpower, focus and determination to spend thousands of hours learning the skill of cold approach pickup.
Let’s get real. This shit is hard to learn. Really hard. That’s unless you totally LOVE flirting with hot girls and have complete confidence in your ability to learn and master the skill.
But the guys who really suffer? In my opinion, they lack the following essential motivational factors:
Vision and belief
If a man creates a powerful vision backed by unflappable belief, he’ll be relentlessly motivated.
What do I mean by vision and belief?
Vision: A precise and vivid future result.
Belief: 100% belief that his actions will ultimately yield a positive result.
If you knew exactly what you wanted to achieve, and believed with 100% certainty that if you took action towards manifesting that vision, that you would undoubtedly achieve success, then you would be highly motivated and it would take very little effort to go out and meet lots of beautiful girls, every day.
For motivated men who believe in the possibility of their vision, there won’t be any motivational drag. It doesn’t feel like a grind even when learning the basics.
The Magic Genie Metaphor
For example, if you wanted to get rich and I was a genie who told you all that you have to do is touch this magic lamp and say oingo boingo 5 times, and then you’d be wealthy, would you do it?
You’d be skeptical, but the investment is super low, so of course you’d try the silly experiment. If it didn’t work there was little cost in time, emotional investment, and physical effort. If it worked, you’d be rich. So why not? It’s very little effort for incredible gain.
With pick up it’s quite the contrary. It means going out, facing your fears, investing a great deal of time and effort for little initial reward. It could take months or even years before you start to see results.
This is why men who don’t have a clear vision and don’t believe in themselves, or the process, will struggle to find motivation and most will ultimately quit before they see results.
Then imagine you’re not 100% convinced that it’s even going to work.
Lack of vision + Self-Doubt + Doubt in the process + High investment of time and energy + Emotionally/physically/intellectually challenging = Lack of motivation
Learning new, difficult things sucks. When you have low skill and want to master something that takes skill, it’s hard. That’s why there’s not much motivation.
Easy + Fun + Competent = Motivation
Things were so much different when I started back in 2006. PUA advice was like having a magic genie. Instead of rubbing a lamp, it was “memorize and repeat these magic pickup routines and you’ll hypnotize beautiful women into sleeping with you.”
And I believed it! I believed it so much I dedicated two years to going out seven days and nights a week practicing, and then it became my career.
Did the magic hypnotic lines work though you ask? Well… yes and no. I did learn how to mesmerize, intrigue, captivate and seduce beautiful women. But it wasn’t the words alone. That’s only part of the puzzle. The rest is beyond the scope of this article.
So now we know the root of a lack of motivation is that it’s time-consuming, emotionally difficult, and physically draining. Then if a man suffers all of this how does he course correct and overcome it?
The answer is clearly by creating a strong, vivid vision, and 100% belief in that process.
Basically, you have to decide if you really want it, and then brainwash yourself to believe that this stuff totally works… which it does.
My friend Chase Amante of GirlsChase.com recently wrote this in his newsletter.
“I broke down the categories of “men who profit from learning this material” down into three (3) camps of men:
- Men who LOVE women and want MORE of them in their lives.
- Men for whom “average results” are NOT enough… i.e., men who want to upgrade their girl quality AND/OR upgrade their relationship quality.
- Men who are STUCK socially and struggling to actually get anywhere with girls… these guys need a kick in the butt and a point in the right direction.
If you are in ANY of those three camps, you’re the type of guy who will get a TON out of studying and improving at seduction.
If you’re not ANY of those guys though, seduction is kinda a waste of time for you.
I mean, imagine you’re a guy who’s fine with one woman, so long as she’s just a typical gal, in a typical relationship, and you get dates every so often and can get a typical GF.
What the heck reason would you have to learn this stuff?
You can just go about your life, every so often you get dates, every so often you hook up, every so often you like her enough to make her a girlfriend.”
Which man are you?
Chase makes great points. He’s right that these 3 guys will make great gains learning game, but he doesn’t address that #3, the guy who struggles to get anywhere will usually lack the courage, determination, and belief in his ability to conquer his fears, overcome his insecurities, and master this stuff.
Guys like me, and Chase, we wanted to sleep with a lot of beautiful women. We were motivated and committed to achieving that goal. We saw this shit in our dreams. So much so that we wrote millions of words about it, joined clubs to talk about it, and formed entire social circles around it.
There was no issue with motivation because we didn’t want average girls, and an average life. We wanted to have superpowers with women and were willing to put in thousands of hours and even years of focus to get it. Crazy, I know!
Approach anxiety wasn’t a huge deal because our belief in the vision and process drove us right through it.
If I really struggle here is a guided meditation I created just to reduce AA.
100% Vision + 100% Belief = 100% RESULTS = High Motivation
Does that mean if you dedicate this much energy to practicing cold approach that you’ll get all of the hottest women who you desire? No, probably not. But… you will get a few, at least. And you will develop incredible social skills; stuff that mere mortals would never believe possible.
If that’s not motivation enough – you should stick to online dating – because this lifestyle isn’t for you. I mean that.
Speaking of dating, here’s an interview I did with dating.com.
There’s nothing wrong with being average and dating average chicks, having a monogamous girlfriend, holding a decent-paying, steady job, having the weekends off, and just being a normal guy. Cold approach pickup is not for everyone.
But if you want to sleep with a lot of beautiful women you’re going to need serious dedication. You will need a vivid vision and 100% belief that if you do the work, it will work.
That’s all there is to it.
P.S. I have a free community here and it’s full of great courses to up your Rizz
